All in all I think the response is well reasoned, worded and coherent. I assume there is no length limit or minimum that must be reached but overall you've picked a persuasive speaker and given a reasonable description of what they do and how it impacts his audience.
I'd probably remove your comentary in brackets "(imagine that!)" as it adds little in terms of humor or value and may distract the marker by making them focus on your editorilising on Hinns use of the Bible passages. It's not that it's wrong just unneccessary as you've already said "Amazingly" and one editorialisation is enough in one sentence.
One thing I think it lacks is the reason behind the message Hinn is trying to get across. On one level he is evangelising about his faith, but on other levels he is doing something else whcih some see as the sinister side of evangelical speakers.
Personally I think this is at the root of why someone is trying to be persuasive and by not addressing the root cause behind the message, your response could be considered incomplete.
Hope this gets to you in time and helps you out.
