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Originally Posted by Sledgehammer427
the word processor at school is so amazing that it darn near writes the paper by itself. I just did the raw writing and i will format it correctly when i get to school
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The word processor won't correct things like:
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Priority mail...your friend in california can send you a CD in the timeframe of blink
start an internet relationship
write down everything you will remember, and forget the things you thought you would remember
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The last two are actions, advice or something. The first one is... Some sort of description?
What you have is a bunch of sentence fragments. Make sure they all have the same beginning!
Your first phrase:
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Being american means you have to fend for yourself
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Implies those sentences should begin with "Being American". But then:
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(Being American means) watch Band of Brothers and not cry
(Being American means) go to a "HALO party"
Being American means) fingerpaint. even after you turn 30
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Are not gramatically correct. Word processor won't help with that.
Also,
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become infatuated with A.Football, B.Baseball C.Pamela Anderson, or D.UFO's
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Doesn't fit in at all with the rest of the piece.
Seriously, the whole thing makes little sense. Are you going "YEAH, AMERICA!" in a flag-waving, bourbon drinking sort of way, or "YEAH AMERICA!" in a satiric sort of way? It's hard to tell where you stand:
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if you are not of a sect of christianity, i would be wary about what part of town i am in
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(Also note the *I* versus *you* in that sentence)
Contrast:
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complain about the government, its okay! you arent going to be prosecuted!
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Actually, after going through the piece one more time, it sounds like you're trying to be satiric, in a "America actually kinda sucks" sort of way, wherea your intro leads me to believe you don't really think that way.
Look, I know it's alway hard to delete stuff, but you need to either start over or completly rewrite the thing. And like someone else said, try to put yourself in your teacher's shoes - I'm pretty sure she didn't think she'd be hearing about HALO parties.
Also, posting homework online before you hand it in could result in problems, if your teacher checks for plagiarism using Google.