[Sailor Steve]

Okay Jim, here's one back atcha:

Two young guys get pulled over while speeding through a small southern town. The sheriff walks up to the car, the driver rolls down his window, and the sheriff whacks him upside the head with his nightstick.

"OW!" the kid yells. "What'd you do that for?"

"Well, son, it's like this. Twenty years ago, when my dad was sheriff, you would have been hauled off to jail. You both would have been stripped, abused, beaten and left in bad shape. Then you would have managed to escape, and one of you would have made it to the county line, but the other would have been killed, and taken a few of us with him. Then the whole thing would have been made into a bad movie-of-the-week. Nowadays we like to think of ourselves as a kinder, gentler police force. So let that be your warning: please don't speed in our jurisdiction anymore."

"No, sir, officer! I sure won't!"

The sheriff then walks around to the other side of the car, and gently taps his stick on the window. When the kid in the passenger seat rolls it down, the sheriff whacks him too.

"OW!" says the passenger. "What'd I do?"

The sheriff politely says "Nothing. I just wanted to grant your wish."

"What wish?" The kid asks. "I didn't wish for nothin'!"

The sheriff smiles and says "Come on, son. You and I both know that two miles down the road you were gonna turn to your friend there and say 'I wish he'd tried that $#!+ with me!'"