[August]

It took some finagling but I got my own pet project into the stimulus bill:

wireless and broadband deployment grant programs (including transfer of funds to August for the August Personal Economic Stimulus Program)

• For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants: Provided, That an additional $1,000000000 shall be paid directly to August in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment. Provided Further, That the funds be used by August to provide new jobs building his island fortress or for whatever. Provided Even Further, That August will receive free New England Patriots tickets for life. Provided Even Further Still, That August shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits. And one more thing: Nancy Pelosi is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment.

• And you can too!:
  
  
  http://reason.com/blog/show/131664.html