Look deep into my crystal ball on the virtual table there, itman. OOOOOOOHHHH! The crystal ball is getting cloudy.....I see the year........1941......I see torpedoes.......I see you setting something on the left wheel.......looks like
METRIC????? I must regain control. Other people's morality must not influence my judgment
... Metric is really OK.....
In the depths of hell!!!!!Sorry, I lost control there. Where was I.
Oh, yes, the crystal ball. You are setting the depth in your own, most metric way. It looks like the setting is.......just above the keel depth of the target..... I see the torpedo....being fired.....(nice shot by the way) and it.......slides harmlessly under the target. No boom. You must be grief-stricken, yes?
So where is your problem? MMMMMMM? Is it in the cursed metric system? Yes, but that is not the reason the torpedo missed.:rotfl:The problem is in time and space. The year is 1941. The stupid Americans have faithfully copied the captured German torpedo and made it work exactly as the Germans built it. Unfortunately, they have faithfully copied the defects already fixed by the Germans. Unfortunately, in their cheapness, they have tested the torpedoes in a way that hid the defects, without real warheads.
They tested with the warhead area just filled with water. At the end of the torpedo run, the torpedo blew out the water, the torpedo bobbed to the surface and the sub recovered the torpedo for another use. Cheap, yes? Unfortunately, real warheads are much heavier than water. Unfortunately, the German guidance system didn't provide sufficient control inputs to compensate for that weight and the torpedo usually ran about 10 feet too deep. Sorry, I choose to be metrically challenged. All conversions will have to be done by those under the compulsary metric curse...... Sorry, lost control again.
So, you set the depth 6 feet above the keel and it proceeded to run just as it was designed by the Germans at 4 feet under the keel. Now the crystal ball is showing the intelligent American desk commanders back at base. They are blaming YOU for being a lousy shot. Shouldn't have used the metric system they say. You didn't apply yourself during training they say. Perhaps they made a bad decision to put you in command of a submarine shooting all those terribly expensive torpedoes they say. They do not trust you.
You only command a dangerous submarine in a war zone, while they command a dangerous desk. Why they could get a splinter in the line of duty! Of course they know best. You should be ashamed to shoot so poorly.
(psssst! a word to the wise. If they want to treat you like a mushroom (obscure American joke) you treat them the same way. Until they get their (excrement deleted) in order, why don't you set the torpedoes to run on the surface. That's zero metric and decent measurement system so we don't have to fight about it. Then when it runs deep, it will hit the target. You can tell the smart desk warriors that you set the torpedoes normally and then some other poor sub captain can get in trouble like you just did. Don't tell anyone! You will be a genius.)
Have a fine, but not metric, day, sir.
