Pessimystic Meg
 

Anyone in the UK will probably know the astrologist Mystic Meg. They may not know of her twin sister Pessimystic Meg. My horoscope for today is;

"Today your hat will not fit you correctly, causing discomfort around the ears.

Unlucky dip: Skinny"

There goes my nude pirate pool party.

Warning, some adult language in predictions http://www.pessimysticmeg.tk/

Mine:

"Speak in a monotonous voice to people that normally bore you. Keep this up until they **** ***".

"Lucky number: 0"

So are you ******* *** anytime soon? (spoken in a monotonous tone).

"Today will find you well. You will meet the love of your life and settle down to raise a family that will be the envy of others. Your career will prosper, and unimaginable wealth and fame will soon be yours.

Believe me?

HAHA! You gullible *******wit!"

Charming.