An open letter....
 

To the girl I'm currently seeing.

Ok, I can deal with the lupus. It sucks, but I can deal. Yeah it's a death sentence, but nobody gets out of here alive. In fact I'm more than willing to help you through the rough times, it doesn't scare me. I had to carry my to be ex wife to bathroom multiple times when her fused spine would flair. I can be a nurse if needed. Basically was my job for 12 years.

But heroin? C'mon!!! Pot I can understand, easing the symptoms and whatnot. In fact I enjoy partaking in the cannabis every now and the. But heroin?!?? I understand why are on it, but you need to stop. I know how you started and why you're still on it, but it can't go on. I don't know you well enough yet to put me foot down, I can't change you. I don't want to change you. I like who you are. But you can't be shooting up a few times a day just to get by. I understand you have to just to survive, but it can't continue.

I need you to detox. I like you a lot. Maybe too much, maybe you're just a rebound girl for me, but every time I see you, you bring a smile to my face. There's something about you that makes me care for you. But I can't continue, hell, even start, with you if your still shooting up. I know our circumstances are quite unusual, but I do want to know you better.

You need to get clean. I won't have a physical relationship, as much as I really want to, with you until then. I'm not sure if I'll be able to say that aloud though. I understand why you're unwilling to go into rehab, and I agree, it may not be a good idea. But we need to get you sober. I will sit by your side until you're clean. I will nurse you back to health until you can take care of yourself. I will help take care of your kid while we do this.

When you're ready for my help, ask.

Thanks for listening guys. I had to say it to someone, but I couldn't talk to anybody I know IRL. I like this girl, but not sure what to do.

We all have times of trouble, and we all need someone to talk to from time to time. Stay strong, brother.

All you can do is be there for someone when they're ready. Sadly, in cases like this it's very difficult for the person, they will either hit rock bottom and seek change, face a judge or die.....

I take it she is the one with Lupus? I've lived with a serious painful illness myself for 8 years. Hope she has a good Doctor, they should be able to treat her pain and get her off herion at the same time with something like methadone.

Be a friend.

Good luck.....

>Lupus
>death sentence

It varies from person to person, but afaik you can live a long happy life with lupus. Does she have lots of physical pain? Or is she using it to deal psychologically?

Anyway, good luck man. Dealing with somebody else's addictions is a tough road to go down

All you can do is be there for someone when they're ready. Sadly, in cases like this it's very difficult for the person, they will either hit rock bottom and seek change, face a judge or die.....

I take it she is the one with Lupus? I've lived with a serious painful illness myself for 8 years. Hope she has a good Doctor, they should be able to treat her pain and get her off herion at the same time with something like methadone.

Be a friend. I hope she has direct family that can intervene if needed.

Good luck.....

You seem like a nice guy. If she's gonna die, at least she'll be with a nice guy.

And I'll pray for her.

Gargamel,

be sure about yourself, make sure you really are clear about your motives. Mixing pity with private emotions like affection or love, or mixing private emotional interest with professional stuff in jobs like doctors, psychologists or social work, often is a recipe for - well, for something not good. I made that mistake once. Did not end nice. And put me to shame. I know two other such stories, also did not end nice, only increase the tragedy.

That'S probably not what you want to hear. But I mean it well, and honest.

And another truth you maybe do not want to hear if you like that girl. I say that as an ex-psychologist: watch your guard. Junkeys lie, steal and betray. They do anything needed to get their candy.

If I were you and feel privately interested in her, I would try to help her by finding a place in a therapy and detox program - and leave it to them to deal with her there. The best help you then can do for her is overwatching the situation and make sure she goes there for her meetings, or stays in there if she is goinjg stationary (and if she is on heroine, she will be stationary). They tell surgeons never to treat their own family members. That is good advise.

If you cannot make her going there, and make progress - leave her. Else she pulls you down with her.

Thus, for the time being: leave your private emotions aside. If you cannot, you are already in a position where most likely you will not help her anyway.

Whatever happens, the best of luck to you both.

That's a tough situation Gargamel. All we can do for you is support you and keep you and this girl in our thoughts and prayers. I wish we could do more.

All the best.

The best of luck to both of you.

several flaws in the concept.
some random thoughts, in an attempt to assist the thinking process.

1)
she shoots, her call.
she stops, her call.

1b)
she does drugs and is your GF, you are in trouble sooner or later. your call.

1c)
take a look in the mirror: what are your calls?

2)
you define yourself as an outsider, offering involvement, but not involved yet.
So... you barely got one foot on that boat, and from what you see it rocks.
But behind the shine is hard drugs and an illness that never goes away.

3)
The shine might come DUE to the drugs.
maybe if you take the drugs away, all that is left is an illn... a death sentence.

4)
You might not know who this person is without drugs.
and insisting on detox might ruin the magic smile you get.

5)
insisting on detox makes what is currently her call, your call.
Or, in a more aggressive way: who are you to tell her how to live her life?

6)
as a result of 5), please ask yourself who, what you want to be for her.

good advice.

A situation many have found themselves in. My thoughts? Don't attempt to play the knight in shining armor coming to her emotional rescue. Heroin. Hard driver. Time for the professionals. What next? You may help attempt to bail out the ship but learn when it's time to abandon so you don't go down with it. A harsh reality. Some people can not be reached. Be supportive. Check your emotions at the door for now.

^Aye that :yep: