October 1939 (BALZ)
 

Balz returned the bright eyed officer´s salute and shook his hand. "Lt. Werner, welcome aboard." He then asumed a heroic pose. "You can take a heroic picture of me now."
Werner chuckled and snapped a picture.
Nice lad, Balz thought. "This is the bridge and that is the sewer manhole." He pointed at the conning tower hatch. We close the sewer hole when we dive to further strnghten the atmosphere inside the U boat. Farts increase the atmospheric pressure inside and give the hull more wasserbomben resistance."
"Most interesting," Werner said.
"Follow me." Balz slid down the ladder into the Zentrale. Inside, he pointed at the cook. "He pukes when the sea is agitated. Also when the sea is calm. When he pukes into the spaghetti he calls it bolognese."
Balz put on his chicken tea cozy. "Do I look heroic?"
"Well, umm, yes, Herr Kaleun."
"Then, don´t just stand there, take another picture. You will have a wonderful collection of heroic photos of me."

That night, after leaving Wilhelmshaven harbour, Balz said to Bernard, "You have the con. Don't crash into anything. I will go below so that Werner can take a heroic picture of me drinking tea."

On his return to the bridge, Balz spotted the tanker on a collision course with U-45. "Bernaaaard, hard to staarboard!"
"My name is Bernard Fliflinger, Hastostaburg transfered to Yodel Schule, her Kaleun."
Balz reached the speaking tube. "Astern emergency, rudder hard to starboard."
The screeching of metal filled the air.

Back at the base, the following morning, a technical inspection did not reveal any damage to the U-boat. Standing on the dock, Balz said to the engineering officer. "I am not going out on my heroic quest in a boat with scratched paint."

Lt. Werner wrote in his diary.
On 27 October 1939 we finally set off to an area called AN 13. Balz said that it was an adequately heroic location with shallow water northwest of Scotland. At 0600 of 31 October 20 miles off Fair Isle, Balz engaged a freighter with the deck gun.
The moment the freighter began to sink, he ordered periscope depth. Three minutes later, the sound man reported a warship approaching fast.

The noise of asdic is terryfying and the British vessel dropped a salvo of depth charges. Silently we slunk away. The whole day, the british ship stayed close to us. After sunset another vessel arrived and the pinging started again. Balz's famous fartisphere became heavy. By midnight we had lost the British. After untying and ungagging Bernard, we surfaced to get some air and recharge batteries.

Hard to Starboard, Hastostaburg? Works in English I guess. Do you speak English with a German accent? Hart Steuerbord? close enough.

Didn't know your radioman Stefan was anal retentive, Did you? doesn't help with the air pressure. Grammar Nazi? Who let him on board? Grammarian? Balz is unfamiliar with that province.

Glad to be of help, Herr Kaleun. :salute::dead:

Have you checked the stores inventory yet?

Especially the cans? :03:

I can't wait to read more about Balz and his heroic adventures on his Furzenboot

Glad to see the teacozy made it back:woot:

It's Balz, mate. The only cans he checks out are the ones on the belly dancers. :O:

Man, that is one carny ride you definitely don't want a ticket for.

The chicken tea cosy was bloody hilarious! DEFINITELY portrays a heroic image! :har:
Shame he never did a chicken impression just after donning it.
Top class!

Umm, cans and canteluope checks? Somewhat risque for this forum :D.

Great new events on this patrol. Report delayed til tomorrow due to World Cup's Chile vs Brazil game.

World cup affects morale of U-48 , England takes another battering by the Germans!
 

Many sore heads and broken hearts aboard my U-Boat after England's sub standard performance yesterday,we are currently drifting somewhere west of Ireland

true location - unknown
direction - unknown
purpose of mission - unknown

:down::zzz:

Fabio Capello walks into a bar.

Sorry I mean job centre.

Yeah :yawn: LOL

Ahum!?! Where does your allegiance lie? Germany or those Tommies. Wolvepacks finaly victor!!! ;)

Deutschland uber alles! :salute: