Be Dowly's nurse!; post resume here
 

In leu of this thread:
http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=155155

As a public service, I'm going to find a nurse to care for subsim's favorite ferret.

The qualification parameters seem pretty straight forward:
So it sounds like ANYBODY can apply, I guess bringing ferret snack is a plus.

*Has an mental image of Jim in a nurse's outfit*

Ow hell no! :o

http://www.smokeysoffice.com/Enterta.../UglyJohn1.jpg

http://bloggingexperiment.com/wp-con...sh-klinger.jpg

Bursitis! I'm practically an expert on the subject! I had bursitus for a week after a particularly nasty fall in the rodeo wherin I fell about 8 feet directly onto my knees. I'll have this *******ed-up ferret fixed in no time!

The first thing you want to do , Dowly, assuming you haven't done it already, is to try to walk as much as you can. It hurts like a bitch and it will not yield immediate results, but it will drain the fluid from your kneecaps. Nothing encourages a body part to heal like constant use.

After that, you'll want to make sure that you drink lots of non-alchohol fluids. I'm sure you know this but alchohol will dehydrate you and impair your body's ability to produce fluids. You will need fluids and the associated bloodflow to repair the damage to the cartilage in your knees.

Finally, you may want to consider discarding any painkillers that contain asprin. Asprin is a blood-thinner, and it does not help with the healing process since blood is a key ingredient in fueling cell replacement, and it does not help the fluid-filled bursal sacks whatsoever.

In short, my advice is to drink water and stop whining. I know you haven't exactly been whining, but the best way to make your knees work again is to force them to work. Get up and get out. Make the tissue in your knees realize that it does not have time for convalescence. It will heal itself quickly as a result.

On the bright side, bursitus often results in deadened nerves in the knee region. This makes it easier to endure knee trauma in the future. You will have likely have a psychological aversion to knee trauma, but once you have overcome that you will find that your knees are more durable than ever.

@UnderseaLcpl

If you would've read the first post of the thread Niki put a link to, you would know that my condition isnt something that goes away and that I have had it since 1994.

I read it, and it I read it again when you posted the above to make sure I wasn't missing anything, and I stand by my advice.

To be totally honest, you have two choices here. The first is to acknowledge your condition and use proper medical procedures to treat it. Unfortunately, there is no real cure for rheumatoid arthritis or bursitis. There are only temporary treatments. Your other choice is to fix the problem yourself, and you can do this by knowing, not just thinking, that you can beat it.

The healing power of the human body is truly miraculous, but the brain controls the body, and the brain is subject to your conscious will. Your body is designed for a very specific purpose. It is made to serve as a vessel for genetic propagation, and it must survive and prosper in order to do that effectively. You have the means to heal yourself, but you must convince your body to act in accordance with your wishes.

Perhaps you will take my advice, and perhaps you will ignore it, but I encourage you to remember that you are the master of your own physiology. You are a human being, and as such you possess the conscious will needed to govern your own body. You can beat untreatable conditions like bursitis by simply knowing that you can defeat them. Bursitis is, after all, a condition caused by your own body. Your bursal sacks are filled with fluid because they are trying to combat damage to your knees. They don't know exactly what kind of damage has been incurred, so they just fill the area with bodily fluid and hope for the best. They try to repair cartilage, protect against trauma, and fight infection all at the same time. They will do this forever unless you put a stop to it.

Your knees have obviously suffered some kind of irreperable damage. Your body will continue to try and fail to fix it so long as you allow it to do so. The solution is to tell your body that you require functionality from your knees. This is a simple thing to do. All you have to do is to convince yourself that mobility is crucial, which should be easy, since you know that already. Your subconscious functions will take care of the rest.

Take it from me. My legs, knees, ankles, and feet have suffered unbelieveable trauma. I have walked thousands of miles in tight boots saddled with heavy gear and dropped hard on my knees many, many times to avoid detection and enemy fire. As a result, my knees are remarkably insensitive. I hear them popping and groaning from time to time, but they never hurt. The nerves are dead. My ankles and feet are similarly impervious. The soles of my feet, in particular, are subject to a permanent case of something like trenchfoot(it comes from wearing boots all the time). They die a little every day, but I rip off the dead patches and demand that my body regrow the damaged tissue - and it does, with alarming rapidity.

You have the power to heal yourself. Your body is made to heal itself, and in the case of an incurable condition like chronic bursitis your best bet is to force your body to heal itself as best you can. Force those knees to work. Make them perform and they will adapt. There is a chance that you will never overcome the bursitis, but you can certainly force yourself to work around it.

I'm no medical professional, but this is the same advice an old cowboy once gave me. My knees still have a bit of fluid buildup, and the nerves are mostly dead, but I have no trouble moving about. Take it or leave it, as you choose.

Here ya go buddy, Nurse Diesel:

http://www.cinemaretro.com/uploads/NURSEDIESEL.jpg


She is ready to take your pulse.......:o

http://image.minyanville.com/assets/...ewRatched2.jpg
http://fc02.deviantart.com/fs24/f/20..._by_schroe.png

Here you are Dowly. Please take all the time you need for recovery. She is at your service. She is well versed in nursing as well as other things of the physical nature.

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/im...ie-Posters.jpg

zomg !1

http://mypetjawa.mu.nu/archives/MOAR.jpg

or sauce, you choose.

:D

Reminds me of a Joke.

The queen is touring a hospital with the head doctor and they pass a room where one of the patients is furiously masturbating.

the queen is shocked

"Doctor... what inexcusable behavior! what is the meaning of such a thing?"

the doctor says "Well, he suffers from a condition, very rare in men, you see... his testicles are over productive. if he doesnt release every 4 or 5 minutes, they will explode."

The queen calms down a bit more understandig and sensitive to the man's terrible condition.

a few minutes pass and they walk next to another room where a busty beautiful nurse is giving a patient a BJ.

"Doctor! I'm shocked that such a thing would go on in this esteemed hospital... explain this at once!" the queen commands - averting her eyes

The doctor says

"Oh your majesty... he has the same medical condition as the other guy, only he has much better insurance plan."

And the guy scheduled for the 10 AM castration? He's on the HMO.



Disclaimer: I do medical insurance billing for a living. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED. :damn:

Oah... yes... yes, dowly, your nurse will be there tomorrow...

Dont know if it is a man or woman... couldnt tell... err... if it can get through the door without tearing your wall off... its yours.:yeah::rotfl2: