Naked in the Sauna
 

Three Women, Two Younger, And One Senior Citizen, Were Sitting Naked In A Sauna.

Suddenly There Was A Beeping Sound. The Young Woman Pressed Her Forearm
And The Beep Stopped. The Others Looked At Her Questioningly.
'that Was My Pager,' She Said. I Have A Microchip Under The Skin Of My Arm.

A Few Minutes Later, A Phone Rang. The Second Young Woman Lifted Her
Palm To Her Ear . When She Finished, She Explained, 'that Was My Mobile
Phone. I Have A Microchip In My Hand.'

The Older Woman Felt Very Low -tech. Not To Be Out Done, She Decided She
Had To Do Something Just As Impressive. She Stepped Out Of The Sauna And
Went To The Bathroom.

She Returned With A Piece Of Toilet Paper Hanging From Her Rear End.
The Others Raised Their Eyebrows And Stared At Her.

The Older Woman Finally Said.... . ....well, Will You Look At That....
I'm Getting A Fax!!

The male version ;)

Three naked men in a sauna, an American, Japanese and Irishman. They heard a bleeping sound, the American touches his arm and says thats my pager, I have a microchip under my skin. Next a phone rings and Japanese man lifts his palm to his ear, he says I have a microchip in my hand. The Irishman feeling very lowtech went to the toilet and came back with toilet paper hanging from his arse, he says "Oh jaysus, would u look at that, I'm getting a fax!"

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Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill.
"What was that?" The others asked her.
"Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy." A few minutes later, another woman took a pill.
"What was that?" the others asked.
"Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong."
They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill.
"What was that?" the others asked her.
"It was thalidomide," she said, "I just can't get the arms right on this fecking sweater!"

Nudity in a sauna is a given, it need'nt be spelled out.

*gasp*

Brilliant :D

A gentleman is waiting in the Doctor's waiting room. In the same room is this young lady.

The lady sneezes and then closes her eyes and shudders throughout her entire body.

Very strange, thought the gentleman.

The lady, during the time they both were waiting, did that four more times. Sneezing and then shuddering.

The gentleman, concerned, asked the lady, "Maam, are you ok?"

The lady, realizing that the gentleman truly was concerned said "oh yes, I have this strange condition. It seems that every time I sneeze I have an orgasm."

"oh my", replied the gentleman, "are you taking anything for it?"

"yes", replied the lady, "pepper"

<rimshot>

Beware of Car-Wash scam!
For the benefit of all forum members.
I was up at the grocery store a couple of Saturdays ago and there were two attractive young women in shorts and bikini tops offering a car-washing-while-you-wait service in the parking lot. For just $5 they offered to clean the whole car inside and out, and you stay in the car while they're doing it.
Be warned that this is a scam. They're dressed provocatively in order to prey on sad middle-aged men, and it works like this: While the girl cleaning the outside of the car is stretching over the hood, getting her taut trim body all covered in water and soap suds and pressing her t1t$ up against the windshield while her crotch rubs lustfully over the fender, the one cleaning the inside of the car will take advantage of your distracted state to steal your wallet!
They got me on Saturday, Sunday; Tuesday and Thursday evening; the next Saturday and Sunday again, but they must have taken a Holiday on Monday 'cos they weren't there all afternoon.

:D:D:rotfl::rotfl:

-S

Better version.:p

An American, a Finn and a Swede are in the sauna together. Suddenly there is a "beep beep" sound, and the American starts to look at the palm of his hand.

"What are you doing?" asks the Finn. The American replies

"This is the latest Motorola technology. I've got my pager embedded in the palm of my hand, so I don't have to carry it around any more."

Then the familiar old Nokia ring tone is heard, and the Finn starts looking at the palm of his hand.

"What are you doing?" ask the other guys. The Finn replies

"This is the latest Nokia technology. I've got my mobile phone embedded in the palm of my hand, so I don't have to carry it around any more."

The Swede thinks to himself that he'd better not be outdone by these guys, so he leaves the sauna. In a couple of minutes he returns, and there is toilet paper hanging out of his bum!

"What the hell is that??" shout the other guys in unison.

"I'm getting a fax." says the Swede.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

:rotfl:

I was in a pub and told the following joke:

What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?

Throw your clothes in so they get a wash.

Once the guffawing of my friends had died down, I became aware of a man on the other side of the bar, looking quite choked and talking to the landlord. The landlord came over to me and told me that the gentleman at the bar had recently lost his son and that my joke had offended him. I thought I should apologise. I approached the gentleman at the bar and offered my condolences for his loss and my apologies if my joke had upset him. He said that the joke had only got to him because his son was an epileptic and it was a fit which killed him.

I wondered as to how a fit could actually kill someone and the man said that his son had slipped and hit his head and that was what had killed him. I asked where his son had slipped and the man said it was in the bath. Well, I realised then how inappropriate my joke had been in the circumstances.

"Did your son hit his head on a tap then?" I asked.

"No," replied the man; "he choked on one of my socks".