Headlines From The Year: 2029
 

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia former ly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

(My personal favorite) Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels


France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Damn it, you owe me a new keyboard. :shifty:

And news sources are still getting their facts wrong.

The NBA's tallest player, Zhin-wing Markopolis Sturdyavent, is indeed nine-feet-seven. The average height of NBA players is only eight feet one-and-a-half.

Don't believe everything you read.:nope:

In 2029, with genetic modification of sorts, they will all average that height! :D

-S

Yea, they'll be modified with cow DNA so that they can be injected with bovine growth hormones instead of human ones for better results :doh:

As a side effect, they'll also grow horns :hmm:

And we can all rest assured that in the year 2029, an 82-year old OJ Simpson will still be relentlessly searching for "the real killers". ;)

Somebody que the theme music from "Shaft". :p

After he gets out of jail for his current crime of course. Oh - I forgot - his civil rights are probably going to be violated by being locked up, so he will be let free! :D :lol:

-S

And they will be Mad all the time too! This could get interesting! :D

-S

Headlines in 2029 will be in Chinese.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

STEED is voted in again as World President. :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool:

Hey I can dream you know. :lol: :D



We all know there will be no 2029 it will be 1984 every year. :damn: