How to board a german regional train (germlish)
 

Here's the text of a poster that was (briefly :D) displayed on prominent locations in Frankfurt such as the train stations at the Airport, the central railway station and the trade fair station. Since it is from Munich, I suppose it was displayed there as well.
The german version of it actually made sense, but the english version reads as if somebody took out a dictionary and translated it word by word. Auto-translations such as babelfish would have produced a more readable text, I suppose

-Info
© IGS 2001

Everyone standing at an open door,
act false!

The door system of the new rapid-transit railway
1. The buttons
The doors of the new rapid-transit railway open by pushing
buttons. Short pressing on the center of the button is sufficient
and already you can enter or exit. However,
only if the green lights are on. If the engine
driver releases the doors, the lights light up.
If it takes the release back again, the lights
went out and the doors can be opened no more.
So: Only by green lights, briefly press!

2. The light barrier
In the new vehicles the doors are equipped with light barriers in
the floor area. Hereby the security of the doors is increased.
Getting jammed passengers is thereby prevented. The light
barriers are directly between the door and
the yellow soil marking. Therefore it is very
important to let this area clear. Otherwise
the doors cannot close. If the light barrier is
not interrupted, the doors close
automatically after three seconds. If the
release of the engine driver is not taken
back, they can be opened after the closing
process again. So the rapid-transit railways
rmain warmly in winter and pleasantly in
summer.

3. The clamping protection
If it should occur nevertheless the fact that someone gets
jammed its lever, its bag or the like in the door is also here taken
precautions by a safety device. The clamping protection noticed
with the closing process a resistance and opens the door.
Subsequently, a renewed locking is executed.
You see, in the new rapid-transit railway security is an important
feature. And if one considers few points, nothing occurs and the
course can punctually drive off. We require all time good travel to
you!
· Rise briskly in and out.You are interested nevertheless
also in the on-time departure performance.
· Please keep the space between door and yellow soil
marking free. So the doors can close and the rapidtransit
railway can depart. Think also of luggage and of
articles of clothing, which can project into the light barrier
area.
· Please enter at the nearest door. The rapid-transit
railways are completely constant within 4 cars.

tipps & cheat:
If you travel with much luggage (e.g. to the airport), then you pay
attention with the in and discharge from the
rapid-transit railway with your luggage to be
separated. You could, for example, with a
luggage item the light barrier block and
immediately release this again after termination
of the in or discharge. So closing of the door and
driving off the rapid-transit railway are
prevented. And last but not least: Enter and exit
briskly, do not block the light barrier longer than
necessarily!

IGS-Info The door system of the new rapid-transit railway
An informationpaper of Interessengemeinschaft S-Bahn München e.V.,
Kronstadter Straße 50, D-81677 München, Phone: +49-1212-510351820
Internet at www.igsbahn-muenchen.de, info@igsbahn-muenchen.de
© IGS 2001

hehe, nice.

They should have got the 'speak & spell' machine to do it for them... " H A O M E R A N D M A R G E A R E V E R Y D I S A P P O I N T E D I N Y O U." :lol:

Yes, that is German, without doubt. :lol:

When you approach the light barrier, act false! It will shock you if you touch it. To cross this luminous force field, press the center of the button, but only when the green lights are on. No cheating!

Well, they tried to be realistic: this is how somebody with limited knowledge of German would read a sign written in perfect German anyway. :D

But be careful not to get your lever jammed in the door....
Sounds painful

Yeah, like:

how goes it? = wie geht's?
come you with? = kommst du mit?
hear up! = hör auf!

I think it's only funny if you can be sure that it will make no sense at all in English, and only a German can understand it.