Nazi era jokes
 

Dudes and dudets i have found these jokes on the axis history forum (im not nazi no worry) and some of these are vintage while others are just funny. Enjoy!

when you see a green plane its an american
when you see a brown plane its british
when you see no planes its the luftwaffe

1935 Hitler sends von Papen to the Vatican to bring the holy father on germanys side. He fails. Even Goebbels is not succesful, he returns home just with a little gift for the NSV. Then Hitler sends Goering. Three days later he receives a telegaph from Goering stating: "Mission fulfilled: The popes dead, the Vaticans burning, best wishes, your holy father!"


Adjutant: "Herr general, the italians decided to start a war"
German general(thoughtfully): "Hmm... order to send 2 divisions to the italian border."
Adjutant: "No, you got me wrong, they are on our side."
General:" Damn, order to send 10 divisions to the italian border..."

Why are there so many tree lined streets and leafy lanes in France?
Germans like to march in the shade.

Belgium's national motto:
Belgium: Gateway to France!

How do you make a German chocolate cake?
First, you occupy der kitchen.

Hitler walks the streets of Berlin, in disguise, to check the real attitude of the ordinary people. He approaches a bystander and asks for his opinion about his plitics. However, the bystander rejects to answer: “Well, it could be dangerous to express one’s true opinion these days.” Hitler:”Trust me, I won’t say a word.” “O.k., but don’t let my neighbors know: I think the Führer is doing a fine job.”
Hitler walks into a Berlin winestore and demands a bottle of champaigne. The wine merchant replies: ”Excuse me, due to rationing and supply shortages none is avaiable.” Hitler: “But I know you everyone sells it under the counter.” Wine merchant: “That’s a lie!” Hitler (angry): “DON’T YOU RECOGNIZE ME?” I AM THE LIBERATOR OF EUROPE!” Wine merchant (enthusiastic, to his wife): “Elfi, bring two bottles of champaigne! Mr. Churchill is here!”

Hitler had a dream and after he woke up he consulted a pschiatrist:
"Doctor, I saw a field in my dream and on that field there were three cows. One cow was fat one cow was cripples and one cow was blind! Tell me what this means!"
Doctor: "The fat cow, mein Führer, was your Reichsmarschall Göring, the crippled cow was Goebbels, but the blind cow, mein Führer, that is you!"

3 prisoners are talking with one of the guards of the POW camp in 1944. The first one, the American tells the others "If I go up the Empire State Buiding I can see all of New York! New York is really the greatest city in the world". The British says "If I go up Big Ben, I can see all London, isn't that fabulous?", the French then says "I f I go up the Eifel Tower, I can see all Paris! You don't have that in Berlin Fritz!". And Fritz says "In Berlin it's even better : I f I stand on one brick I can see all the city!!!"

:rotfl:

In my opinion you may post whatever you like. But this is in poor taste.
Not hate speach mind you, because I don't think that is appropriate by thought or by law.

I'm looking forward to seeing more posts from you Seth8530.:cool:

Theres some truth in this, anyone remember what?

My favorite too!

sorry if it appeared in bad taste. i just found it funny.:cry:

Thank you, that was my beer on the monitor screen. :lol:

And here flies my lunch after it. :rotfl:

My favourite Hitler joke is at the end of this little clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3RwtbJd0kU

:D Chock

LOL...We here in the states always get a kick out of English humor...My son still cracks up at the Hitler impersonations done by Larry Hovis but realizes that Hitler was no comedian.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8xs3ZxBpG8

HAHAHAHHA

Imagine how this old joke ends back then

"So a Rabbi, a Gypsy and a Communist walk into a bar... and uhhhh.... they're never seen or heard from again."

Waste gate on the "PC brigade"?

How bizzare!

Nothing wrong with these jokes. Thanks for the laughs! :up:

Hate Crime law in the States applies to crimes of hate, not speech.

:rotfl:

So once in Poland, the Gestapo once succeeded in tracking down a notorious resistance fighter. They went to his house at night and surrounded all exists at gunpoint. The raid failed when the resistance leader escaped through the entrance.

From Wikipedia, Russian Political Jokes article:

"Comrade Stalin! This man is your exact double!"
--"Shoot him!"
--"Maybe we should shave off his moustache?"
--"Good idea! Shave it off and then shoot him!"

An international team of scientists is excavating an Egyptian pyramid. They find an unmarked mummy. The German scientists get it first, study it for a month, and publish a 73-page paper proving it's from the Middle Kingdom. The US scientists go in, do their thing for a week, then announce the mummy is from the 19th dynasty. Then the Russian team go in, come out a day later, and announce it's Amenhotep the III, 19th Dynasty, 53 years of age, ruler of Egypt for 37 years. Everyone is stunned: "How did you figure that?" The Russians smile: "Oh, he confessed."

Another Moscow resident contracted laryngitis, and lost his voice, but couldn't afford medical treatment. So he went to the KGB. they assured him, "Don't worry--we will make you talk."

A hotel. A room for four with four strangers. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunk, then noisy, singing and telling political jokes. The fourth one desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, frustrated, he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. Five minutes later, he bends over an ashtray and says with utter nonchalance: "Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, please." In a few minutes, there's a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the conspirator finally gets to sleep. The next morning he wakes up alone in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge where his neighbors had gone. "Oh, the KGB has arrested them!" she answers. "B-but... but what about me?" asks the guy in terror. "Oh, well, they decided to let you go. You made Comrade Major laugh a lot with your tea joke.":rotfl:

In Soviet Russia, a judge walks out of his chambers laughing his head off. A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing. "I just heard the funniest joke in the world!" "Well, go ahead, tell me!" says the other judge. "I can't - I just gave a guy ten years for it!"

Haha the tea one is great safe-keeper.

"Whistle while you work
Hitler was a twerp
He's half barmy
So's his army
Whistle while you work"



"Hitler has only got one ball
Goring has two but very small
Himmler has some quite similar
but Goebbles has no balls at all!"

Dr Seuss WW2 political cartoons

http://orpheus.ucsd.edu/speccoll/dspolitic/


Someone else posted this site on here awhile ago, i'd credit you but I can't remember who it was. :cry:

It's chill man they're pretty mellow jokes -- nothing too controversial being put on the page. If you just unwind they can be pretty funny. Now if Jews or Gypsies and others were being bashed it would be another thing, but that's not the case.

Some Soviet jokes:

A flock of sheep were stopped by frontier guards at the Russo-Finnish border. "Why do you wish to leave Russia?" the guards asked them. "It's the NKVD", replied the terrified sheep. "Beria's ordered them to arrest all elephants." "But you aren't elephants!" the guards pointed out. "Try telling that to the NKVD!"

At a UN meeting in 1985, an American diplomat, surprised by the change from the old and ill Brezhnev, Andropov and Chernenko to the young and healthy Gorbachev, asks his Russian counterpart: "So what support does Gorbachev have in the Kremlin?" The Russian replies, "None, he walks unaided."

What has 40 teeth and 4 legs?
-A crocodile. What has 4 teeth and 40 legs? -The Central Committee of the Communist Party.
Brezhnev complains to Gromiko that he can't get used to summer and winter time changes.
- It's simple, replies Gromiko. Just move the hands on your clock one hour ahead in spring, and then move them one hour back in autumn.
- Well, says Breznev, that sounds really simple. Nevertheless, when I sent a telegram of my condolences to Egypt regarding Anwar Sadat's assasination last summer, it arrived one hour before his death.

A soldier keeps a mug upside down and tells the sergeant:
- I can't drink from this mug. It has no opening.
The sergeant examines the mug and says:
- You are right. And besides this, it has no bottom.

A couple of 'Little Johnny' jokes, they rely a lot on the pronunciation so may not translate too well:

Little Johnny's in class and teacher asks them to tell a story about a family relative :

LJ: My grandpa was in a pillbox when an enemy soldier threw in a grenade in, he threw himself on it and saved his mates, but it blew half his arse off.

Teacher: Rectum Johnny!

LJ: Rectum? It f*cking nearly killed him miss!


Another time, teacher asks for more stories about the war and Little Johnny tells one about his great uncle:

LJ: He was a pilot and one day he got into the biggest dogfight ever, there were f*ckers above him, f*ckers below him, f*ckers in front of him and f*ckers behind him - there were f*ckers everywhere.

Teacher: For the benefit of the rest of the class I should explain that the Fokker was a very successful WWII fighter plane.

LJ: No miss, these f*ckers was messerschmitts.




Thank you very much, I'm here till Friday, try the veal.

That last one was damn funny!