This kinda dropped of, but guess what? It's saturday! So;

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
-Dean Martin

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
-W.C. Fields

"The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who's drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck."
-Warwick Franks

"I drink to make other people interesting."
-George Jean Nathan

"I never met a pub I didn't like."
-Pete Slosberg, Founder of Pete's Brewing Company

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
-Homer Simpson

My favourite one -which I'm going to use as signature as soon as I have 5 minutes to do it :p - is an old spanish say that could translate more or less like this:

"Wiser is the devil for being old, than for being the devil"

It highlights what I have learned to be the most important thing on life to make you succeed: experience

Also, here are some quotes from my father:

"Sons have the right to be wrong, fathers have the right to say later to the sons "I told you so!"

"..he, as all self-made men, made himself wrong"

"No lesson is too expensive if it is learned well"

I saw the Communism/Capitalism one in a MAD magazine back in the '60s.

"It is every child's God-given right to be a disappointment to his parents."
-Rocky Russo (a good friend of mine)

Get down from there! before you break your neck.If you dont i'll break it for you.
''My Mother''

http://img119.imageshack.us/img119/5619/quoteuf4.jpg
-onelifecrisis

PS:correct me if I'm wrong!:lol:

sumus semper in excretum… sed alta variat...

“Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.”

Howard Aiken
US computer scientist (1900 - 1973)

Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherf......g snakes on this motherfu.....g plane!

Samuel L. Jackson from the movie Snakes on a plane
voted as #55 of "The 100 Greatest Movie Lines" by Premiere in 2007

"When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout"

It's from Herman Wouk's The Caine Mutiny, not sure if it was originally from somewhere else though

“Being second is to be the first of the ones who lose.”
-Ayrton Senna

Closing your eyes forces you to look at the darkness inside.
-Max Payne

A man born to hang ain't gonna die of drowning.

He's slicker than greased owl s**t.

He's slicker than snot on a glass doorknob.

He came down with a case of the dribbling ****s and mechanized dandruff.

Women are only as pretty as a lightswitch.

Women always get prettier the closer to 2 AM you get.

All Dadisms from Raymond W. Scott, The Inadvertent Pacifist.

Buy the ticket, take the ride.
Hunter S. Thompson :|\\

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.

For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life:

There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.

My sig has one of my favorites, though I'm also fond of this one, taking from a game forum with a user having broken english. "I think it may help you if you're into selfdom."

"Essentially, Democracy is spyware you get while downloading Parliamentarism."