Granted - A Drunk driver ran over all your hedges and killed all of them.

I wish I could take a ride on the space shuttle.

Granted, but only after it's decommissioned and turned into a land-based museum

I wish I was a professional hitman

Granted, but although professional you are really not very good. After botching your first contract you are run down and killed by a soccer-mom driving her mini-van on the way to the local bingo hall.

I wish I was immune to cold.

Granted, you are immune to cold! So you are burning up everywhere you go, the air conditioner won't even work for you!

I wish..when I turn 21 I could stay 21 forever.

Granted, you turn 21 and then step on a land-mine and die, you never, ever, turn 22...

I wish I had a vat of T-stoff

Granted, but the container is not well insulated and a spark of static ignites it, making your home into a large crater.

I wish my computer was powered by a device running on perpetual motion!

Granted, but you know these perpetual motion devices don't work, right?

I wish it wasn't so boring

Granted, it's now exciting, but the boredom sent you to sleep and you don't realise.

I wish the Sunday roast was cooked.

Granted, but it was cooked by someone completely inept and is now burnt to damnation on the outside but running blood in the middle. You eat it regardless and die from botulism.

I wish I hadn't just killed Jimbuna.

Granted, but because you failed the contract, you get chased by thugs sent by *name censored* (You know, that shady guy in the dark alley) and I am sent to finish the job

I wish Tango wasn't such a failure at being a hitman (Even worse than me!)

Granted, he's still better than you....and seeing as how your next on his list, you'd better start hiding.

I wish cold was warm.

Granted, the cold is now warm. You get so warm that you want to be cold again, so you die of a heat stroke!



I wish..everything was cheap and America had socialism.

Granted, everything is now cheap. But you now have no money at all and the new socialist organs of State Security send you off to a work camp for twenty-years as a politically undesirable parasite.

I wish my house had an ocean view.

Granted, your house is now an ocean view, the impossibility of which destroys the universe...yet again

I wish I knew what to wish for...

Granted, it was for you to be sentenced to 30 years of hard labor in Antarctica!

I wish I hadn't sentenced Raptor1 to 30 years of hard labor...