Granted, try my kitbag now...it's much heavier.

I wish daylight was darker.

Granted, there is no more daylight as the Sun decides to shut down for a spell ending all life on earth.

I wish the next time somebody re-invents the wheel it comes out something other than round.

Granted, as the next person to re-invent the wheel you decide that square will work, yeah square, that should do the trick....Oh bugger!

I wish Randomizer had though things through before inventing a square wheel.

Granted, he thoroughly though things through, it doesn't change much...

I wish for a glass of melted cornflakes

Granted. You are whisked through space and time to the morning of August 6, 1945, Hiroshima, Japan. Your glass of cornflakes is in your hand... stand by...

I wish it really did rain cats and dogs.

Granted but their impact on the ground does the poor creatures no good at all and the lack of rain soon causes misery from thirst as fresh water slowly disappears from the earth.

I wish that catatonic was a beverage made from carbonated water and cats.

Granted, but seeing as how you have the sole supply...enjoy.

I wish feebleness was a virtue.

Granted, and you are now the most virtuous person on the planet.

I wish collapsible umbrellas wouldn't collapse in the wind.

Granted, now they collapse when wet.

I wish aardvarks had snouts like artichokes.

Granted. To solve the world's food crisis, greenpeace genetic engineers create... giant aardvartichokes. However, maddened by the smell of artichoke yet unable to eat, they broke loose and are currently wreaking havoc, looking for revenge on all humans.

I wish I hadn't forgotten the combination to my secret underground lair.

Granted, you remember it and open the door only to find your lair filled with extremely angry aardvartichokes.

I wish there were parallels to this story in real life.

Granted but only in another parallel universe.

I wish naughty was nice.

Granted, but the naughty/nice inversion creates havoc in the space time continuum causing chaos and creating worlds overrun with highly flatulent aardvartachokes across all parallel universes.

I wish for the power to control gravity.

Granted, however you soon forget how to to control gravity after a zero-grav drinking binge and you float off into deep space.

I wish my picture under my name on the left was less...disturbing.

Granted, your new avatar is now permanently: http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/imag...s/hangover.jpg

I wish ubootcomrade enjoys his Wild Night in Bangkok.