A quick rewrite because of a slow response...

Granted, but huge pretzels are linked to global warming and your pretzel and mustard factory is burned to the ground by an angry eco-mob. You are then run out of town strapped to the roof of a Smart Car.

I wish that I had a better understanding of technobabble.

Granted, but as your understanding grew, so as your intelligence grew! You became a genius at understanding any kind of technobabble that you were hauled off to a top secret government facility, never to be seen again!

I wish I had a supercomputer to play SH3/SH4 with!

Granted, but you find that SH3/4 does not run on a Cray supercomputer built in 1987.

I wish I had bigger fish to fry.

Granted, but it's a whale, and the wild life services department arrests you for mistreating the endangered animal... and killing it...

I wish that I had more pomade.

Granted, but it causes you to lose all of your body hair and turns your skin bright shade of blue.

I wish I remembered what I wanted to wish for.

Granted, you wished for all life in the universe to end in a slow and painful death

I wish I didn't have a stupid test today...or EVER, for that matter

Granted, no more tests for you, now or ever.....so no qualifications and no job.

I wish the bitch currently working with me would retire.

Granted, you made her "retire", now the police is after you

I wish I could BURN BURN BURN...stuff

Granted, you did burn stuff... that stuff being 2/3's of the downtown area and the police and the feds are arresting for you for arson!

I wish I have a brand spankin' new, indestructable I-400 class submarine!

Granted, you can pick it up from the bottom of the Japan Trench anytime you want.

I wish I was able to understand the meaning of life.

Granted, Douglas Adams had it right all along and the meaning of life really is fourty-two. Now, because everybody knows this, life itself becomes meaningless.

I wish the meaning of life had remained unknowable.

Granted, you die and take the knowledge to the grave

I wish I could kill people with a tube of toothpaste

Granted, but then you are hunted and killed by a toothbrush wielding assassin.

I wish I knew a toothbrush wielding assassin.

http://s224.photobucket.com/albums/d...h_genie9hy.gif Granted: your assassin is now known as your dentist.

I wish i didnt have to shave?

Granted, you grow a huge beard which catches fire and burns your to the ground

I wish my USB was faster