Granted, winning is now nothing, exactly the same value as that winning lottery ticket in your pocket.

I wish they had discovered a statue of Frank Zappa on the moon.

Granted, the said statue was discovered and destroyed to hide the evidence.

I wish listening was instilled at an early age.

Granted, the stone age.

I wish DRM was edible.

Granted, DRM is edible, tasty and results in you having to spend your every waking hour on the toilet.

I wish that cashew nuts came with real cash.

Granted, but they are now called cashme nuts not cashyous.

I wish Ubistoft would understand that they have got it badly wrong with SHV.

Granted. Just because they don't care doesn't mean they don't understand.

I wish Subsim made it's own subsim.

Granted but it never reaches the surface.

I wish the way was signposted.

Granted but the signposts are all written in Linear A script and so are unreadable.

I wish a catastophe was a prize for the cat with the cutest bum.

Granted, and you've just won first prize.

I wish I had a hessian sack and a brick.

Granted, the Hessians just sacked your home, and a brick is all you have left.

I wish I hadn't crossed the Delaware.

Granted, you crossed the Volga instead

I wish his honour shall drop everything, and route himself hereto with all troops and guns, to be with us in the early morning.

Granted, his honour the enemy king immediately routed himself to the battlefield with all his troops and guns, ready to crush your army in the early morning.

I wish you've got your flanks well defended

Granted, his flanks are now armour plated but he's getting his unprotected head kicked in.

I wish I knew who ate all the pies.

Granted, you know that you ate all the pies and are now too fat to move even while your heart has only 576 beats left in it. 575... 574... 573...

I wish TarJack could travel to Oz and get a new heart.

Granted bugger me I've lived there all my life! And the old ticker is going ten to the dozen again. It's a miracle I'm healed.

I wish fantasy was as real as taxation.