I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture.

Christmas is a competition between who gives up first: Your feet or your wallet.

Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.

It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.

Never test how deep the water is with both feet.

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!

My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero.
I donate five kidneys to the hospital and I get arrested.

If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

Chocolatiers - what's that all about then? This was never suggested as a career option at school - I think I could've done that. Moira reckons all you need is a sense of taste and be able to see (the last one a real bonus I suppose) and then a life of mincing up and down in Switzerland wearing a chef's hat and carrying a big wooden spoon

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'