I am not afraid of Armisteads farts..

Running out of electrical tape is what scares me..

http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/...pscny64gbu.jpg

My brother lets the worse farts possible. Those silent ones that would make a maggot gag. Younger days as a teen our family went to a fundy baptist church. Ever so often some youth would fart and cause people to go into laughing fits, not that way with my brother, he let those silent ones knock a buzzard off a crap wagon right during preaching and he could keep a straight face through the entire ordeal. He had a look he gave, our eyes would meet and he'd sort of lift his eyebrow and I knew hell was coming.

Like a rogue wave, you'd watch expression of peoples faces as it traveled, one by one, praying it wouldn't reach you. I would promise God right then to quit masturbating. You can't stop laughing at people, knowing you better stop laughing before it reaches you. I watched the guy next to me turn green and I knew I was next, tried to stop laughing, took a deep breath, but I got a good whiff. Things went black and I got dizzy. I got up, not being rude, headed for the alter. This is typical in a baptist church, anyone gets the urge during preaching can just head on down. Why you never ate lunch to 2PM on Sunday.. Preacher looked at me and said " do you seek salvation?" With tears in my eyes, I replied with a firm "yes i do!".

Next, crippled lady in a wheel chair gets up and opens the window. Preacher thought healed and praised the Lord. A few of my youth friends caught on and to escape, they came to the alter too. Preacher said the spirit was moving, but we knew that it was much more than the spirit that came out of my brothers ass. Several youth on the alter with red faces, tears in their eyes, sure it looked spiritual. Old Ms Johnson fell over when it hit her, preacher thought spirit slayed her, but fart killed her outright. Later at her funeral 5 more was saved, so he said it was worth it.

With all the fuss on our side the aisle, those on the other side weren't to be outdone. We had one old fat black lady in the church, one black was allowed as long as they were old. She was like a spiritual lady, people listened to her. When the fart hit her, she hollered out "da angels done broke the 7th seal, judgement day is here!" so that really got people stirred up and revival broke out.

The choir hit the old gospel, "softly and tenderly" but there was nothing soft or tender about my brothers farts, yet he still sit there stone cold as the entire church was headed for the alter. Saw the church mouse heading out the back. The entire youth group ....rededicated and several people got saved. The Lord does work in mysterious ways!

Electric tape pasties!!! and the abominable Threat from Armistead neutralized all in one fell swoop!....Sartorial Splendor in the BILGE BBY!:03:That's IT party's ON!

I know I shouldn't :shifty:


:har::har::har:

Lord, Lord...
 

Please forgive Armistead. He knows not what he do.
Airs of crepitation and the low rider boustier with strategic electrical tape...

The Bilge got it all bby! :yeah:

Could somebody please sink this thing before my sides split?

:har::haha::har::haha::har:

Well there it all is on second reading: I've had an Epiphany! As long as the boat's Padre, Tango, is at hand to elicit salvation and redeem the Bilge, Armistead may bestow his 'blessing' at will.:Kaleun_Sick:The anus cannot be heinous if it's in the service of the Lord! No wonder they're called 'Pews'!:O:

http://i.imgur.com/YghUzuD.jpg "Oooooh...!"

Was that just the worst pun I ever heard?

I thought it was P U s.

Yeah, what do I know?

Mate, this tub is well beyond redemption. All I can do is offer up the good word and give benediction to the sail hatch (and bless it with Holy Bilge Oil) to make sure it opens readily when Wolferz decides to leave the head, causing a great stink to rise up throughout the boat.

http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/m...89/Praying.jpg

Pews. I like it.

A day in the life of Eich...
 

http://i.imgur.com/f8hbja7.jpg :har: I don't have to knock myself out like that these days, Wolferz...

New haircut regulation...
 

Effective immediately, all crew members will report to Aktungbby's barber.
Ya gotta love that BIlgerat hair cut I came across:D I mean....there it was! http://www.liketotally80s.com/wp-con...rat-tail-4.jpgnow for a little electric tape on my nipples and one of your toothy earings :arrgh!:
__________________

:k_rofl::k_rofl::k_rofl:GREAT! Now we'll B entangled by our scaly tails .....and our hair queues!http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...f4/Ratking.jpg

It's the only way to keep this motley crew from going AWOL.:yep:

Chaining them to the oars proved to be a horrible mistake when the normal bodily functions kicked in.

http://i.guim.co.uk/static/w-620/h--...R-1959-004.jpg C'mon! that's how we kept each other's toes warm! Of course the bright side was you finally made it out of the head and got some sun for a change!:O:http://i.guim.co.uk/static/w-620/h--...R-1959-001.jpg

Storming out of the head...
 

If you want something done right!!!...

Somebody (Armistead!) needs to go fetch Donna before the SP's catch up with her.
I have received a disturbing report that she is running drunk amok and apologizing while putting boots to nads at a local Golf Tournament.

Wear your Cod Piece.

Finally back after God knows how long. I'm glad to see it hasn't changed one damned bit.

While we're speaking of flatulence, I must say that, while my own stink to high heaven, provided I eat right, I am the only one to ever have to smell them, which completely takes the fun out of it.

No, the reward goes to my 15-year old German Shepherd mix, who will (I kid you not) sit in front of a fan pointed at my family and I as we watch television, let loose a god-awful fart, and walk away as if nothing happened.:shifty:

My female German Shepherd would frequently do the same thing.
That's when I realized the origin of the phrase...
Payback's a bitch.:haha:

I trust you had a refreshing leave of absence.:up: