To the person losing his hearing aid in the street, having a sticker on it with a name and a phone number printed on: What, exactly, did you hope to accomplish there?

I burned my Hawaiian pizza today. Should've cooked it on aloha temperature.

Sorry I'm late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I'm ducking so it hits someone else.

First they said Alcohol could kill this Corona virus
Then they said Smokers was somehow immune
Lately they have said UV could kill this Corona virus.

So if you see me walking around naked, with a cigaret in my mouth and drunk, then take no notice of me..I'm just trying to fight this virus.

Markus

^ i just realized i will never catch it.

So, that's what your neighbors ere complaining about...





<O>

I might get a job cleaning mirrors. It's definitely a job I can see myself doing.

Can any mirror be sold as new?

“Why cant i see my reflection in a mirror”
Stevie wondered

^ :haha:

You know you speak good english in England when no one congratulates you for how good it is.

I want to sleep but my brain won't stop talking to itself.

That annoying moment when you're texting someone and auto-correct decides to join the conversation.

Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first.

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.