Reminds me of an old joke

How is your wife like your car?

How many times on a cold morning, when you really need it, it won't turn over.


(Crickets chirping)

I think I will go back to writing my paper now.

2 friends are talking in a bar.

Friend 1: Every time I stay out all night drinking and then go home, i turn off the headlights, kill the engine, coast into the driveway, i take off my shoes and head up stairs where i slowly and silently change out of my clothes into some PJs and i ease into the bed so i dont wake up my wife... and every time she wakes up and rides my ass for the next hour and a half.

Friend 2: Your doing it all wrong man... when I go home i come skidding to a stop in the driveway, i slam open the front door, i run upstairs and go to the bathroom, then i kick off my shoes and strip down to my boxers. Then i bounce into the bed and rub my wife on the ass and say "Hey babe... how about a little tail tonight?!"

she is always sound asleep when i do that.

That's a good one. I had not heard that one before.:)

Great guys keep em coming! I love that last one.

I agree with the rest...dump here...if that's all it takes for her to cheat on you its a bad sign! (there are a lot more jerks with motorcycles out there)

Q. Why do brides wear white?
A. You want your dishwasher to match the fridge and stove.

Q. How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None. Let her cook in the dark.

Sondra Locke: What happened to your wife?
Clint Eastwood: I shot her.
SL: Shot her!?!? Why?
CL: Caught her in bed with my best friend.
SL: Did you shoot him too?
CL: No! He was my best friend.
-from Bronco Billy

A Georgia man is in front of the judge for murdering his wife.

Judge: Beauregard, befo' Ah pass sentence Ah would like to ask one question. Why did you shoot yo' wife and not her lover?
Beauregard: Yo' honah, I deemed it bettah to shoot one woman one time, than to shoot a different man evah night.
Judge: Justifiable homicide! Case dismissed!