https://www.cejavineyards.com/assets...more-funny.png:O:

I always thought the pirate accent was from "the manner of speech" of merchant vessels of the time period.

'Isn't it weird that, pirates never wear bikinis.'

It's nigh on impossible to have a meaningful argument with someone when you're both bouncing on a trampoline.

I smell a trap.

Or it could just be sheer coincidence there is fish on todays menu.

Pondering the deep questions with SWMBO last night, I decided the human body should be redesigned, as this one clearly has some major design flaws.

1) Swap the toes and knee caps, so you can't keep banging your toes on furniture.

2) Remove the brain from inside the head, where it can be subject to violent impact, to inside the chest cavity where it would be well protected by the rib cage. Move the lungs up into the head to make room, as these are less likely to be damaged by being banged around.

3) Increase the capability of vision, to take in infra-red, ultra violet and night vision.

and most importantly

4) Put the testicals up inside the body where they cannot get kicked, squashed, sat on or generally abused in any way. Make sure they have an efficient internal cooling mechanism to keep things running at optimal temperature.

Just a tale from when i was working as an orderly at a veterans hospital in Perth Western Australia, i was on the dead run this day and was working with a bloke that had not been there long, we got a call for a pickup in ward 10 (cancer ward) and set off to pick him up.

We got there with the trolley and the other bloke had reservations about transferring him from bed to trolley but eventually he agreed to take the feet end ( the body is wrapped in a sheet with just a hand sticking out with a tag on it ).

We get him on the trolley, put the cover over and set off to the morgue through the corridors of the hospital, rounding a corner at the kitchen there is a bump then down a ramp to the lower end of the hospital.

I was at the front of the trolley and had the feet at my end and went over the bump first and started down the ramp, when the back of the trolley went over the bump the body let out some air sounding like lurch from the Adams family.

Then i noticed that my end was getting heavier so i told the bloke to put his shoe on the wheel to act as a brake, then i felt the back end of the trolley slipping left, i look around and the bloke is gone, off like a brides nightie.

I managed to get another orderly to help me the rest of the way to the morgue but this bloke was never seen again, that was back in the days when we got pay in cash, he never picked his up, i think he might still be running. :yep:

^ Similarly.....received a call to go and examine a body for any signs of foul play prior to the arrival of the undertakers. Knocked on the door and was invited in by a grieving family member, walking toward the bedroom where the deceased was I viewed various family members in the lounge area consoling one another.

Entered bedroom accompanied by a family member, put clipboard, baton and radio on a nearby chair to facilitate ease of movement then reached under body on either side with both hands to feel for any obvious signs of foul play, knife wound etc. Body emitted some air and moved upwards an inch or so as a result and I was out of that house in a flash.

Sitting in patrol vehicle feeling deeply embarrassed I eventually pulled myself together and returned to the front door apologising profusely to those inside but thankfully they're response went something like "Don't worry, even at this sad time a good laugh is always welcome."

Night of the living dead
 

But not air-cooled: you don't want your plums dangling anywhere near a fan.

Whaddah ya mean no fan!
 

Do you think Bruce Jenner has to pay full price to get into the drag races now ?

:haha: Oh, this idea has bags of potential!