Sorry! You just happen to be at the forefront of everything I'm reading today! :D No one is spared!

Congrats!!! :up::up::up:

-S

She still likes to try on the spare set of cuffs on occasion http://www.satellites.co.uk/satellit...115[1].gif

Yeah, it's a British trait I'm afraid........we still like to draw attention to ourselves, but sadly, often for the wrong reason http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/7...ebigtb9fg3.gif

:lol::lol: Good for you :up:

I'm very sorry to have to say it, but British marriage seems like British cuisine. The Brits seem happy with it, but nobody else can figure out why.

Enough already.

Just to clarify: I'm not against marriage for others, but from a purely personal standpoint I don't see the need to ritualise the ties of a relationship in that way. I know we have civil and religious marriage so you don't have to be a follower of a faith to consummate in law a union between two people. But apart from how this presents a couple in the eyes of the law, and as I have no personal religious attachment to such an act, for me it seems like a bit of a non starter. I know I love and want to be with my partner and she with me; put simply what more can be derived from the situation by formalising it with a ceremony?

And also it's not just about stuff and possessions, though there is that element to it, but ours is a partnership of equals - what we bring to a relationship and how we live and earn and build our life together is a meeting of two individuals, and whilst we share financial responsibilities for living costs, by no means do we share our incomes like some couples I know; they both have their salary paid into a joint bank account. :eek: Unless the couple is mature enough (and I don't mean by age) to deal with this I've seem more relationships break up over financial troubles than I care to think of, leaving aside all of the other issues like fidelity and honour and love, with which some seem to struggle so.
We are together, but separate. Indeed forgetting this has led me to much pain and confusion in years gone by. But I came to understand how powerfully such emotional bonds can impact so many other aspects of a relationship, distorting them beyond all recognition of what you originally started with. Adding money and possessions to the mix of who's is who's when the chips are down, can be really foolish, not to mention expensive. I have my things and she hers and for the most part we meet happily in the middle on much everything else.

It is true I have a fairly dim view of the institution of marriage and this is largely due to seeing it fail so spectacularly so many times with those who are close to me. The pain of failed unions that soldier on for the sake of the children can be exquisite. In my case had I been old enough to understand fully at the time, I would have urged my mother to go with a divorce the first time she found out my father had played away from home, but instead she chose to stay for my sake. A decision that has permanently marked her as a whole individual despite her eventual separation and divorce some 18 years ago. Am I better off for it? I'll never know. But I can see the consequences of that in the lines on my mothers face every time I look at her.

My cousin was married for less than a year before his wife decided she was too young (they are both 3 or 4 years younger than me) and didn't want to look after their son or accept the fact that he had to work many long hours to support them doing something he hated. She felt neglected and board, so she left. He's a nice guy and there's nothing he wouldn't do for his son, and his then wife. But you can only do so much on your own. He's aged five years in the last one, to look at him today. What's worse still is despite emphatic declarations that he'll never 'do that again' (get married) he's now planning a wedding with his new GF for some time in september and he's not even divorced yet!

I think the trouble is many people fall at the first hurdle and rush into something with no clear insight into what they are really undertaking and as a result it all goes horribly wrong. They are emotionally immature and lacking the honesty with ones self as to what you truly want.
I don't need a piece of paper to remind me of the commitment I make to my other half, nor do I need one to emphasise the longevity or honour that is required through all of the years we are together. This must be implicit in any lasting relationship, something that many seem to expect will magically appear with the anachronism of marriage.
I think it's a measure of my feeling that if she really wanted to be married than I'd go along with such formalisation for her sake alone, but honestly neither of us are particularly conventional in that respect so I doubt she would force the issue, knowing my feelings towards it. Besides which, she's convinced her dad would 'ruin everything' lol.

For the most part my main goal in life is to be happy. I have some good friends and some not so good friends. I have a few bits of stuff that I worked hard for. I have a beautiful woman who makes me glad to be alive every time I wake up next to her in the morning (or afternoon hehe) even after a relatively fleeting seven years together. What more could I possible want or need in that sense? Certainly no state or ecclesiastical approval formalised by marriage certificate can improve upon what I already have or want in life.
I know it works for some and all luck to them, but it's not for me.

To sum up how I look at all of this in a kind of old-fashioned school motto sort of way, I say this: "With love, trust and honour unyielding." 'Per diligo, fides quod veneratio adamans' or something like that, my latin is not very good.



wow, I rattled on a bit there didn't I? :oops: :lol:

Wrong answer, this was the question I wanted a response to:

Marriage sucks, and she may get around half of what you earned even before marriage.

Disfunctional married family. At least the support structure of a man and a woman still exists with ties between the two. Too many studies on un-married families all say the same thing. These include increased crime rates, to children who grow up and have absolutely no ability to have a relationship, which further leads to single parents once again, turning into a vicious cycle.

I take it you never looked up anything on the Montreal studies like I asked. It shows.

-S

So your saying that a battered wife, with a child who has been abused by the father / husband is better off staying with the said husband!!!

That wasn't the question.

It appears to be your answer

Agree with DAB. Although I back marriage a dysfunctional family is definately worse than a single parent family.

I'll give you an example.

The British Royal Family.

No it doesn't and you are implying something here. Please stop implying and get with the discussion. THanks.

You are free to ask me that question if you wnat however. THe answer is no - physical abuse is not allowed in my book. But unmarried is equally as bad.

-S

Hardly! :D Try common sense which seems to be lacking here I see. :p

-S

Here is a paper on it, though I am not aware how to obtain the full paper yet. THe abstract however is probably all you need to get the jist:

http://www.allacademic.com/meta/p_ml...732_index.html

:rotfl:

That may very well be but the reality for the young ones nowadays in the U.S. are that a large segment of the coming to marriage age population are from broken homes so my guess is that they see it as something to be avoided. Most of all my kids high school friends were from broken homes or single parent homes. I have noticed however that I am seeing more lesbian families. Well three to be exact so times are changing and remember this whatever starts in either continent will always make it's way to the other. It's happening here and if you had school age children you would see that unless it's just an east coast phenomenon.

You may be right. I'm seeing more a polorized US though, a split right down the middle, and its almost along party lines. I think your ideas hold true in the North, but the South, its just the opposite (excluding places like California). Am I thinking right?

-S