Oh No!!! I cracked up laughing at your previous posts, and that a problem as I work in a library!!!

How come I've got a feeling that the good captain is going to be promoted to a garbage bin in the near future:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

SUBCOM North Atlantic to Allied Command:
We have intercepted numerous letters from German sailors to their loved ones. I must say that the war will not last long here at sea with some of them being on the German side. It seems they have a sailor on one of their TypeIIs by the name of Bernard that could be helping the Allied war effort. Even tho he's a complete idiot, if he is captured he is to be given the best of care, and to be well fed. He's sinking his own country's shipping. We need more like him by God. We need train him and send him back to the German Kreigsmarine post hast.

SUBCOM North Atlantic out.

Not code just plain simple German! For those unable to sprechen:

Dearest Lili

I love you and hope to see you soon. I cannot say too much! Some bugger in the propaganda Ministry will no doubt censor this.

Your dearest Willi

Mind you I'm sure the questioning will still happen!

Lose lips sink U-boats:rotfl:

And here I go again,

The U-2 Story

HunterICX
U-2 Type IIA
5 September 1944

Whoever reads this must know that I wrote from an Mental Hospital.
Here's my story that became my downfall in my Uboat Career.

As because of Bernard Dummköpf, I lost everything I had.
My awards, My Rank most of my Crew, and my beloved U-9 VIIC submarine. He managed to survive the gun assault I gave him...and I wished I shot him in the head as soon as I met the bastard. So me and my crew where transfered to an new submarine an IIA U-2 and there where a couple of new sailors I had to met.

After the meeting we had an order to leave in 3 days.

The time had come...an new patrol BERNARD FREE AT LAST!!!!
we were sailing out of the harbour covering our hears because of that all-time the same tune the band plays that began to become extremly annoying.

Afte 1 hour we reached the Harbour exit. but in the sub something was itching in my neck because something wasnt right in here...1 of the sailor I met 3 days ago looked extremly familiar. the sailor was on the Radio position receiving the messages. I could think about it because I had to focus on the mission we had before us..it wouldnt be a big one because of the limitations the IIA give us. only 6 Eels. low fuel cargo.

The problems began when an H&K group came on our path we crash dived. everything went right..No asdic nothing...we had to be very silent. but at the sudden we heard a loud tune of the RIVERDANCE!!!! I ran into the Radio comparment saw the sailor dancing on the riverdance on max volume!!! I took the LP and smashed it into his mouth and told him to eat it! and after that to keep his mouth shut...but it was too late ''PINNGGGG'' PINGGGG'' ASDIC!!! I looked at the sailor very angry and went back into the command room...I told to dive to 180 meters...but I forgot...I,m in an IIA boat...120 would be the crush depth so I decided to go 100. but the Asdic continued followed by heavy Depthcharges around us...We got smashed from side to side.....after 7 hours of darkness and repairing the damages we moved away...after another 5 hours we didnt hear anything on the hydro and we surfaced.

Now on the surface it was time to find out who this idiot was...I grabbed him with my both hand and yelled ''Who ARE YOU!!!'' TELL ME UR NAME'' He told his name very cool...''Bernard Dummköpf the 2nd...the twi-i--i----inbrother of the fool I shot'' I didnt had my ludger anymore because the High order took it away from me. AAAAAAAAH!!!!! I knew I was screwed now...bad luck chased me everywhere.

Well lucky we hadnt much to do after meeting the H&K group, I left Bernard on the bridge together with the Watch officer. spotting things wasnt that Hard for an idiot like him...the WO jumped down from the ladder yelling AIRPLANES..ALAAARM ...bernard stayed up...I told him to get down , he got down and told there where 6 planes coming straight for us....so I ordered an Crash Dive...as soon the sub started to dive a huge splash of water fell into my neck...and it kept comming in?! HOW !!! HOW!! so I ordered to blow ballast and as soon as i Looked up the IDIOT BERNARD LEFT THE HATCH OPEN!!!!! we close it as fast as we could crash dived again...we crash dived with luck the bombs missed us by 50 meters...I was pissed of I I put my arms out to strangle Bernard but the crew hold me away from him. they tried to save my reputation before I did it again.

After 9 days on see we spotted our first target...I looked in the periscope and yes!!! an Passenger liner...we prepared the tubes...and where ready for combat...but I couldnt look and calculate the torpedo's at the same time...because the weapon officers was a new one and did paniced out..so I decided to let bernard to look...I told him to warn us when we are close enough..after 5 minutes he stared at throught the periscope...I told him ''Bernaard! How close are we'' He looked at me with that goofy smile of his...and said very very very verrrry close sir'' I said ''How Close???'' and after I said that BANG, BLOING, CLANG!!! the front torpedo room reported flooding so I hadnt had the time to think what could I do to this moron. after 4 hours we got everything repaired...I walked to bernard but he kept smiling...why did he smile? He said ''That Close Sire'' at this moment my mind exploded I wanted to kill that son of a bitch...but I couldnt....WeEeeEeeee...

5 days later, we where submerged I had to test the amount of time we could do with the air we have. Now to kept everyone busy a crate of beer for the Sailor...at the end a very bad idea. 2 hours later I noticed the lights going on and off...no explosion so we havent been attacked...I went to the elec.Engine compartment and saw the following thing ''BERNARD PISSING ON THE EQUIPMENT LAUGHING!!!'' I couldnt believe it!!! This was to much ... I started run and scream all the way to the bow torpedo room ''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah BOING!'' rammed my head full speed against the wall..Black Out.

the next days everything went wrong...I started to pull my hear out...Biting on my hand and ripping my clothes appart...and that bernard kept terrorizing me..he didnt stop...for crying out loud..I locked myself up in the toilet thinking whois fault is this , the navigator told that where close to base and that Doenitz and Hitler in person wanted to see me....and at the sudden I knew who's fault this is!!! Hitler's and Doenitz's fault!!! THEY ACCEPTED BERNARD IN THE NAVY!!! THEY PLACED HIM ON THE SUBS I OWNED!!!! HAHAHAHA I laughed like a crazy man. I ordered to go full speed back to base....I went on the bridge with a madmans grin on my face. I couldnt wait to see those 2 bastards.

When we docked and the bridge was lowered on I ran over it walked straight to Hitler and Doenitz and....


and.




and.






kicked them both in the balls! REAL HARD and LAUGHED ''YOU LIKE THAT!!! GIVING ME THE HORROR OF EVERY HERRKALEUN!!! NOW HERE!! !I GIVE YOU PAIN!!!! HAHAHA BLARBLABBLALALALBLALBLALBALA WHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEEHHEHEHEHE WHOHAHAHA SLARSLARWWWEE I was losing my mind . and 5 military soldiers grabbed me and one slammed his club on my head and everything went black...

I woke up...dressed in white...my hand tied up in front of me in an special suit to keep me restrained....

HunterICX senteced for life in the Mental Hospital. Isolated in an special cell for never to be released

the Doctors stated ''the Bernard Syndrom''
and terrible incurable mental disease

Are you suggesting that SH4 should have a letter-writing function added? Let's talk about that...

But there is a cure for Bernard Syndorme... Knowing Bernards luck he will get command of a boat you must bribe a BdU clerk to send EVERYONE named Bernard in the whole U-boat fleet on to that boat. When they reach deep water you fire a full salvo of accusitic torpedos right into their engine room!:rotfl::rotfl:

Possible! A type XXI with 6 of the best acustic fish! Fire! Dive like hell! And smile your ass off! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I can say for sure, everyone in the SH3 forums has the Bernard Syndrom. It all depends on the ammount. I believe that my weapons officer is Bernard!

I'm gonna rename my whole crew Bernard!

MUAHAHAHAHHA! DB SJDASKU$Z($#/$()# $="#/Q$"()Z#W(QRZR(OQR

*SLAP!!!*

Oh :oops:

Sorry guys, I'm near the late stage. It's just a matter of time :nope:

*Man's quad flak gun*
You want me to put you out of your misery?:doh:

Lol. Actually though, probably a more likely version :)

Dear fellow Sailors,

I got a letter from Dönitz which authorizes me to visit each boat and to report from their war patrols. I am very happy to visit every boat and to help all out. The only strange thing about this is: the letter is signed by Dönitz but the letter paper has "SUBCOM North Atlantic" printed on it. But this is great news since the german navy now also seems to control SUBCOM.

See you soon on your boat!
Bernard Dummkopf

Noooooooooo! He's real:o

We can now expect weird/unexplaned happenings in this forum too.

(new member or old member/new name?:hmm: )

Brace Yourselfs!

DO IT NOW!!!! Especially that Bernard himself has joined!!! :dead:

Bernard may be an idiot in the eyes of the officers

But he's well-liked among the others why?

He knows where to get stuff and so on

parfume
Silk
a.s.o

Markus