A few days ago I lost my weapon of Math instruction... my trusty pocket calculator.

I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.

Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight.

You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

Me: For the first time in life, things seem to be getting better.

Life: LOL, give me a second!

A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.

Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.

What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes.

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.

When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess.

Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.

Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook.

You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong.

After (M)onday and (T)uesday comes WTF !

Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.