They are...you are now Wylie Coyote of cartoon fame...

I wish Chinese food lasted longer.

Granted, you Chow Mein and it lasts 8" longer :O:

I wish I had a Crispy Duck.

Granted, but your method of crisping them takes way too long:
http://www.yeepage.com/wordpress/wp-...084def8804.jpg

I wish winning was a certainty

Granted, winning is a certainty, that is if it's winning an all expense paid trip to the Gulag in Ubootcomradeland for 30 years

I wish TarJakistan wasn't going to be without a leader for the next 30 years

Granted, Raptorland will take it as a protectorate

I wish...they...would just surrender...

They do...to Jimbunawannaporkdafatbeetchdatsitsacrossfromhimlan d, leaving you powerless.

I wish it wasn't so hard to spell Jimbunawannaporkdafatbeetchdatsitsacrossfromhimlan d.

Granted, it gets shortened to jimbunasfatb itchland

I wish sleep was easier to come by at 3am

Granted, but only out in the back garden sharing a kennel with the family pet.

I wish there was no way back.

Granted, there is no way to get back to your computer again and you spend the rest of your days in your garden staring at the BFB from your office...who just moved in next door.

I wish my fingers were not so cold...

Granted, but only because you stick em up the big fat ar$e of the bitch next door.

I wish my video evidence was in full blown colour.

Granted, but your colorful evidence video causes several jurors to sue the pants off 'ya after it induces them to have a photosensitive epileptic seizure.


I wish I didn't have so many barnacles on my bottom



.

Granted, you don't have so many barnacles on your bottom, but you have more carbuncles instead.

I wish carbuncles weren't so disgusting

They're not actually....when compared to your bleeding piles.

I wish silence was golden.

Granted, silence is golden, but you broke yours and cannot cash it in

I wish Jim had kept his silence in a safer place

Granted, inside your wallet and he now has access to youe Aussie Pesos.

I wish the Aussie Peso was worth more.