Granted, but only slightly better because nobody is working anymore.

I wish Oliver Twist was straighter.

He is...now instead of being 100% 'happy' he is 100% 'bi'.

I wish Microsoft were to close their R&D department and lay off hundreds of people in these rough economic times...

Granted, but that means you will never see an improvement on the Vista OS.

I wish XP Pro was a hooker.

Granted, but you already moved to Vista

I wish we could win the war in 40 days

Granted, you win but not what you had expected instead the judge only awards you custody of the dog, the 78 dodge sitting on blocks in what used to be your property that now belongs to your ex.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes.

Granted, you get two shiny new horseshoes

I wish I had drunk less last night and slept longer this morning.

Granted, while praying to the porcelain goddess and suffering from a severe hangover you wish had not drunk so much and got more sleep instead.


I wish I was faster than a speeding bullet

Granted, but your eardrums are busted as you pass the sound barrier.

I wish I knew the truth to how the atom is truly structured.

Granted but the only way for you to find out is to be intimate with a nuclear explosion

I wish the porecelain bus would stop swerving all over the road

Granted...it crashes into your glass house instead and you can guess the rest...

I wish snow were not yellow...

Granted, but the snow turns red... right where you're standing...

I wish that bird could not fly and monkeys could talk.

Granted, that bird cannot fly, falls on your monkey and kills it right before it tells you the solution to global strife

I wish that monkey was still alive

Granted, it now resides inside your underwear.

I wish my wife to have a wonderful birthday today.

Granted she has a wonderful birthday. That is up until the time for the 'special' present' you had instore for her later that night when instead she finds you sound asleep from too much wine. Way to go jimbuna. :roll:

I wish jimbuna is up to the task of ... well you know, being it's her birthday and all. <wink wink nudge nudge know what I mean> :arrgh!:


.

He's 'up' to the task thanks to a little blue pill but as usual only lasts 2 mins before having to have a kip

I wish innuendo had a different meaning