A bus load of nuns die in a crash and go to heaven.

St Peter asks the first nun, "Have you ever had contact with a penis?"

She says, "I touched one with my finger". St Peter says, "Dip it in holy water".

He then asks the next nun, she replies "I fondled one" St Peter says "Put your hand in holy water"

Suddenly, there's a commotion, a nun has pushed to the front of the queue. St Peter asks "What's up?"

The nun replies. "If I'm going to gargle with that holy water, I want to do it before Sister Ann sticks her arse in it".

:D

:rotfl: ROFL good one Dan!

As far as internet fun goes, i tend to stick with two websites:

www.penny-arcade.com
www.vgcats.com

Warning: mild language and obscenities galore

Cheers!
Grey

Best joke I have ever heard (It fits 100% my sense of humour but might not be for everyone)

- A tourist is walking around in the countryside, when he finds a sheppard with his herd of lambs.

"Good day to you, sheppard" says he shily

"Good day" answers the sheppard, inexpressively

The tourist continues: "Nice herd you have here...black and white sheeps I see"

"Yep"

The tourist then asks: "Do those sheep give much milk?"

"Which ones, the whites or the blacks?"

"Errr...welll...the blacks."

"Some two liters per week."

"Oh, I see...and the whites?

"The whites too."

Puzzled by the answer and the unexpressive look in the sheppard's face, the tourist continues:

"Do those sheep give much wool?"

Again the sheppard asks "Which ones, the whites or the blacks?"

"Errr...well...the whites."

"Some 5 pounds per year."

"Hum...and the blacks?

"The blacks too."

Now already a bit upset with the sheppard, the tourist continues:

"And do those sheeps have many child?"

"Which ones, the whites or the blacks?"

"The ... blacks."

"An average of 1 per year."

"And the whites?

"The whites too."

Now really angry, the tourist ask: "Listen man, why is it that every time I ask you something about the sheeps you aske me first if I mean the whites or the blacks??"

"Well" says unexpressively the sheppard "just because the whites are mine"

"Ahhhhh now I see" says the tourist, a bit relieved, "And the blacks?"

"The blacks too" answers the sheppard

:rotfl:

Homer
http://www.city.fi/videoni/video/2914/

Star Trek Meets Monty Python
http://youtube.com/watch?v=luVjkTEIoJc

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.
Then I caught her spending $65 on makeup.
And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't?
She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.
I told her that was what the beer was for.
I don't think she's coming back.

A man living down in Florida kept these dolphins for pets in his swimming pool. The special thing about these dolphins was that they would live forever, provided the man fed them this one type of sea bird found on this one small island, which luckily happened to be right off the coast of Florida, not far from is home.

So one Sunday, the man get's in his boat, makes ready his slingshot and heads out to this island.

On that same Sunday, there was a circus in the man's town, which had animals of all descriptions including a very old female lioness.

The man arrives on the island, bags a bunch of birds with his slingshot, loads up the boat, and heads back towards the mainland.

As the man is returning home, the cage of the old female lioness is left open by one of the handlers at the circus. Not thinking anything is amiss, the old lioness exits the cage, wanders away from the circus, and ends up in the back yard of the man with the magic dolphins. The lioness walks towards the pool, but the cement path is so warm, due to the sun, that she lays down and takes a nap.

The man returns from his trip carrying the sack of birds for his dolphins, and looking at his watch realizes that the dolphins must be very hungry. He heads towards the pool when he notices the tired old lioness sleeping on the path, but seeing how old and decrepit she it, just steps right over her with his bag of sea birds, and heads towards the pool where the dolphins are swimming.

At that moment, Federal Agents jump from behind the bushes, and arrest the man. What do they charge him with?
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Transporting guls over a staid lion for immortal porpoises.

Why did the employees at the United States Mint go on strike?

They wanted to make less money


(this was a test of your sense of humour. If this were an actual joke, you would be laughing now. This concludes the test of your sense of humour)

Two former agent's were talking at an Association of Retired Intelligence Officer's meeting. One, John, had worked for the CIA, and his special guest, Ivan, was a former KGB officer. They were discussing which side had gotten the best of who during the Cold War.

John from the CIA mentioned how the CIA had tapped the Russian Navy's undersea cable out of Murmansk.

Ivan brought up Klaus Fuchs and how he passed the secrets of the Hydrogen Bomb to the Soviets.

John countered with the tunnel the CIA had dug into East Berlin.

Ivan retorted with how Fedora has crumbled the Nixon Presidency.

John came back with how the CIA had engineered Alexander Orlov's defection.

Ivan pulled off the kid gloves, and silenced John for a moment with his recounting of how both Aldrige Ames and John Hansenn were KGB agents and how the Russians had compromised American Counter-Intelligence to the very core.

John was speechless.

He thought for a moment and said, "You have me there. But there was CIA program so secret and so destructive to the Soviet Union, that I can't tell you what it is, but I can let you know if you are correct if you guess.

Ivan was silent for a long time, then having an epiphany, blurted out...

"Gos Agroprom"

Ok I am dumb I don't get it