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Just as I'm sleeping off the hangover I got because of that stupid Jorundr stashing away too much money... http://i.imgur.com/4nHnJ.jpg This pencil neck comes wake me up and demands to know what's going on. http://i.imgur.com/c9yxq.jpg He quickly learns the same thing as my two former neighbors: no one disturbs my hangover mornings. http://i.imgur.com/nGClv.jpg No, not even cute red heads filled to brim with clichéd RPG one-liners... http://i.imgur.com/ysmqn.jpg As I'm walking out of the pub, yet another guy stops me. I try frightening him away by telling what I did to his pals, but unfortunately he turns out to be a mathematician... http://i.imgur.com/sGM3Z.jpg Finally, there is this chick with a sword she shouldn't be able to even lift with those rope arms of her. Did I accidentally wake up in a bloody videogame? http://i.imgur.com/n4UdB.jpg Well, I was hoping at least that there would be an accordingly beautiful damsel in distress too after all my trouble, but all I get is a hippie boy with horrible hairstyle. Typical! If he says a single word about my princess being in another castle, I'm going to mash his face in. http://i.imgur.com/htJPo.jpg That bar just plain sucked! I need to vent off some steam by hitting pencil necks. A lot! http://i.imgur.com/gobNO.jpg It would be easier if they finally found me a helmet that suits my noble form. http://i.imgur.com/H5ycO.jpg After lots of pencil neck hitting, the black man starts calling me with names! Typical! All tough words, but still refuses to fight me himself! Well, I'll show him! http://i.imgur.com/GlP7w.jpg Mr. Angsty Lifestory is more impressed by my prowess and realizes how empty and meaningless his life has been compared to mine. http://i.imgur.com/zDWdv.jpg But most of all, the rack is still not impressed! Argh! [Beeb], woman, you live in a celibate or something?! http://i.imgur.com/P0HAY.jpg At one point I get tired and need to cool off a little between the matches. So instead I decide to observe how some other poor fools get maimed. http://i.imgur.com/CEQS2.jpg Hey, no one told me they served free refreshments for the audience! http://i.imgur.com/VIW32.jpg Cheeeeersh...wonderful, Lions, wonderful! Never forget 1995! |
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Öörrr, den glider in!!! http://i.imgur.com/nBbkB.jpg Den glider in i mål igen!!! http://i.imgur.com/LAd3a.jpg Vou, vou, vou...ugh...Best! Party! Ever!! http://i.imgur.com/aRKwY.jpg What are those guys staring down there? http://i.imgur.com/osPEI.jpg What? Is it something I said? http://i.imgur.com/El1OO.jpg Did...did that [beeb] statue just...talk?!! http://i.imgur.com/lf39J.jpg Delirious or not, when a huge scary statue tells you to do something, I know it's more healthy than not to just nod your head. So before I knew it, it popped me to this little village in the middle of nowhere and told me to go scare the [beeb] out of some local redneck. http://i.imgur.com/rvAC1.jpg Easy enough. That boy is the only guy within 10km radius. http://i.imgur.com/PR6g8.jpg He also turns out to be a real loser. So I'm sure scaring him will be easy. So...boo! http://i.imgur.com/i0zQE.jpg Melus Petilius?! Heehehehehheheee, really?! And I'm Biggus Dickus! http://i.imgur.com/CzEsF.jpg Sissyyyy! Pansyy! Nyah nyah nyah!! http://i.imgur.com/xuq3K.jpg What, not crying yet? Well, nancy boy, give me your lunch money then or I'll beat you up! http://i.imgur.com/KAGGu.jpg [Beeb], missed! http://i.imgur.com/kogWv.jpg Stop being so annoyingly polite!! http://i.imgur.com/73FVt.jpg Ha! Hit you! http://i.imgur.com/60jCr.jpg Stop that! |
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Screw this, I'm getting a headache from those overly talky academic guys. I'll go drink the apple juices from his fridge soon, but first I need to take a dump. That statue can't deny me my constitutional right for self-relieving on employer's time. http://i.imgur.com/qu3Kk.jpg This looks like a suitably remote place. That stone will make sure no one comes peeking too much . OK now: http://i.imgur.com/87qXR.jpg Hnngh! Should have taken some toilet paper here too, but can't get it all... http://i.imgur.com/BEKyy.jpg Hey, it's the nerd again. Why does he look so upset? Did someone throw his cap into dog poo or flush his head in toilet? http://i.imgur.com/2AKjR.jpg Ooo, is the little sissy going to hit me with a club? Yeah right, like he could... http://i.imgur.com/elDzS.jpg Hey! Stop that! http://i.imgur.com/Oc4yF.jpg At least let me put my freaking pants back on! http://i.imgur.com/vqu6p.jpg Well great! Now the stupid statue decided to teleport me back here! My pants are still in there, and I don't even know where that village is! http://i.imgur.com/iB9tx.jpg The talky statue is happy and promises me a great reward. http://i.imgur.com/AKdtG.jpg But even when it's a freaking huge statue that can talk, it can't conjure me new pants. Some god. It can't even make the mosquitoes go away from my legs... |
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My glorious quest for new pants takes me to all four corners of the world, until finally I arrive to another talking statue and tell it what its colleague did to me. It tells me I should have a talk with this guy nearby, who is using some Ogres or something as slaves and convince him to set them free. Typical. It's an almighty god-like entity, and it still needs me to do its dirty work. http://i.imgur.com/QAxf7.jpg The dude I'm supposed to convince is not convinced at all. In fact, he has convinced me that Ogre slave labor is the way to save us from depression. http://i.imgur.com/ZtIIO.jpg But me getting new pants is more important than solving the global economical problems, so I decide to have a chat with his employees instead about releasing the Ogres. http://i.imgur.com/jU1EH.jpg The Ogres themselves make some very convincing arguments about their poor working conditions, and the guards as fellow proletarians quickly join their cause. Well, the ones that are left anyway. http://i.imgur.com/V5L9X.jpg Even the owner of the Ogres is now willing to renegotiate the details of their contract. http://i.imgur.com/QPNvI.jpg And this talky statue is happy again. http://i.imgur.com/6QoyL.jpg So am I. One of the guards of those Ogres gave me new pants. Or at least didn't complain about me taking them after the Ogres had smashed his head into paste. Back to adventuring! http://i.imgur.com/VGDJS.jpg Hmm, this is what I like in travelling. New and exciting cities! http://i.imgur.com/YoWYK.jpg Culture! http://i.imgur.com/1wlob.jpg Cheerful locals! http://i.imgur.com/vLxVh.jpg Pubs I haven't been banned from yet! |
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Maaaan, yeah! I just love culture! Just as I'm admiring the architechture of this church from behind... http://i.imgur.com/x5s5j.jpg A tiny man with huge ears approaches me. I know what that is! I've seen them before! A tooth fairy! http://i.imgur.com/jC6Bb.jpg I think it's the Swedes. They always bribe the hockey judges. http://i.imgur.com/R1qBE.jpg Gold! Yes!! It really is the Tooth Fairy!! I knew it existed all along!! http://i.imgur.com/Ud8VU.jpg Truth be told, I'm sure it asked me to do something, but I somewhat lost my concentration after the "I pay you" part. So in the morning I decide to follow my motto, as to not disappoint the kind fairy: when in doubt, drink booze. http://i.imgur.com/g1pS5.jpg So I spend another culture filled day hoping the Tooth Fairy would come to me again... http://i.imgur.com/PFyKo.jpg And of course it does. It asks some silly questions and since I have no idea, I just nod and smile. http://i.imgur.com/eA9d8.jpg That seems to make the fairy happy and it promises me some more gold. Yay! http://i.imgur.com/jQ92T.jpg It's the beest...tooth fairy...ever! http://i.imgur.com/KXAoL.jpg I'm not sure what it asked me to do again, but I think it said: "Go sleep in grape vats and wait for further instructions." http://i.imgur.com/ybOjZ.jpg The pigs don't find my excuse believable so I also get to know the back alleys of this city quite well on this day. http://i.imgur.com/uBeya.jpg Since the haven't found me boozing behind this church for the last two nights, I'm sure they won't find me here now either. Which reminds me... |
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Urg...whuh? How looong did I...er, sleep? Yeaah, that's it...sleeep? Riiight... Heeey, it's my frieeeend... the Tooth Fairy again! Hooray! I love the Tooth Fairy! I love everyone! http://i.imgur.com/9xKRd.jpg No idea what the fairy asked, so again I just nod and smile and it pays me! Yaay! Thank you, Tooth Fairy! But this time Lalli is good boy and listens to friend Tooth Fairy. Tooth Fairy says I should spy... http://i.imgur.com/6Ybub.jpg The local wine brewers! Yippee! Tooth Fairy really knows all the best stuff! So I spend a day behind this rock, carefully watching them... http://i.imgur.com/ZEIpx.jpg ...When I'm not assessing the quality of their products, that is... http://i.imgur.com/z0cRz.jpg Wow, how the time flies when you are having fun. Before I even notice it, the Tooth Fairy wakes me up again to ask funny questions. But I know how to answer this time! http://i.imgur.com/ey56i.jpg Yep, nodding and smiling did the trick again. More gold for Lalli! Lalli is good boy! http://i.imgur.com/7JT5t.jpg And not just gold, but the Tooth Fairy also gives me this paper saying what I should do. Now I'm a little insulted. Does the Tooth Fairy suspect I don't remember otherwise? http://i.imgur.com/F8uPE.jpg Anyway, I make a few visits to some locals. http://i.imgur.com/4XJEu.jpg And the Tooth Fairy again rewards me generously. We laugh together until the Tooth Fairy walks away never to be seen again. Bye, Tooth Fairy! I love you! I love... I love...I...I...wow... http://i.imgur.com/TsdA0.jpg My [beeb] head. How long have I been drinking? Three days and nights or what? I wonder if I have again done something embarrassing while drunk? http://i.imgur.com/7Up1p.jpg Well, when in doubt... |
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:timeout: Why would we do that? We don't need to, we win anyway! :haha: |
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(2011 - 1995...er, I add that, then divide this with it...) Give me a moment OK! (2000 minus 1000 times the square root...syntax error? Um...) 2027! We'll show you then! - - - - In addition to banter: Imgur ate my recently uploaded images again and I have no idea when I'm going to have them back. So no promises about tomorrow's update or the imminent future. |
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Err...my head hurts...and my mouth tastes...salty? http://i.imgur.com/Ynpkm.jpg Whuh?! Bleergh! What have I done?! And more importantly, why am I getting paid for it?! http://i.imgur.com/udvBT.jpg No I'm not! Whatever happened last night was strictly buddy-like and you can't prove otherwise! http://i.imgur.com/FfEYt.jpg Must regain masculinity! Must kill many pencil necks! Skirts be darned! http://i.imgur.com/Sfyma.jpg What the [beeeeeb] is that?! http://i.imgur.com/2pimE.jpg Whatever it is, it's no pencil neck. I need to try new fighting tactics. I saw this being used in one old film so here goes nothing! http://i.imgur.com/2U6uV.jpg Stop swinging that axe around! Do you have any idea how straining it's for muscles?! My neck muscles, especially! http://i.imgur.com/PyVGU.jpg Let me ouuuut! http://i.imgur.com/uNtoV.jpg If I survive this, I'll find the guy who designed the invisible walls around here and have a chat with him! http://i.imgur.com/kUny1.jpg Huff! Puff! Must...keep...running...he...is... Where, actually? I can't help noticing my neck sweating when the swinging axe isn't creating refreshing breezes. http://i.imgur.com/PzWa3.jpg Hm? I suppose he had a cardiac arrest. Come to think of it, this happened in the film too. Who says the TV makes you dumber? http://i.imgur.com/5tOg9.jpg The rack apparently saw my match, which doesn't improve my mood at all. http://i.imgur.com/6ylUo.jpg Look, just because I'm wearing a skirt doesn't mean you can laugh at my face and then ignore me. http://i.imgur.com/21FlO.jpg Nor does it give this guy a right to make shady suggestions all the time. I swear, if he uses this whole gladiator theme as an exuse for telling me to strip down to my undies and start oiling my muscles, I'm out of here for good! http://i.imgur.com/RcZXv.jpg Since everyone is laughing at me, I'll go beat up some pencil necks again. At least my mace understand my deepest feelings if no one else doesn't. |
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Ooo, OK, now we're talking! That's OK, I don't mind if you want to do it in public. http://i.imgur.com/XPkSA.jpg To hasten the important process of me getting laid with hottie rack, I challenge these three idiots for a pencil neck beating match all at once. That should show her how great endurance I have! http://i.imgur.com/cOFGn.jpg Then this cat dude learns that those big claws and teeth are no good if you don't have the reach as well. http://i.imgur.com/siDGE.jpg Yeah! I'm the hero! I showed them all! Even the blackie isn't mocking me anymore! Eat your heart out Russell Crowe! http://i.imgur.com/vcsFz.jpg So? How about it, huh? Huh?! I'm the hero now! Hero always gets the dame, huh? Huh?! http://i.imgur.com/pNQ9M.jpg Yeah, exactly! "Going through you" is what I've been about all the time. So what are we waiting for? http://i.imgur.com/cYJWm.jpg Finally. The moment of truth. The big moment of my life. http://i.imgur.com/68Vpj.jpg This arena has seen me facing off with many pencil necks, but these encounters pale compared to the epic adventure I'm about to start now. http://i.imgur.com/UAuRm.jpg She has brought some friends to share the fun. I'm a little disappointed that one of them is a man, but I suppose it's fair for the ladies in the audience. Whereas with me comes... http://i.imgur.com/QDNGY.jpg ...Sir Oinksalot? http://i.imgur.com/ylxiN.jpg Whatever! Let's get started! I'm not sure when these stupid rules finally let us take these idiotic skirts off, but I'll play along until that. No skirt is going to stop me after all I have done for this very moment! http://i.imgur.com/Lf1C0.jpg Hey, look sister, just because I accidentally killed both of your buddies and the pig is no reason to give me looks like that. You're here for me anyway, aren't you? http://i.imgur.com/RjqcG.jpg Hey? What's the matter? Are we going to have horizontal mambo or not? http://i.imgur.com/B871q.jpg [Beeb] foreigners and their [beebbeebbeebetybeeb] frail bodies not used to [beeb] real Northern [beebbeeb] man! That's it! I'm going home to drink beer! Lots of it! |
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On the way somewhere else the black guy stops me saying there is still one thing I might look into. Gray Prince? Who the heck is that? http://i.imgur.com/4VGQq.jpg This encouraging lady gives me a little more details, but still refuses to tell me who actually is queer enough to have a nickname like that. http://i.imgur.com/Sd4Tu.jpg I suspect it's the angsty lifestory dude, but when asked directly, he denies being "Gay Prince". http://i.imgur.com/L9Gvy.jpg Apparently I still somehow managed to challenge the Pinky Prince into a fight, because the encouraging hag wants me to choose a theme music for the upcoming match. So I naturally go with... http://i.imgur.com/c9XU9.jpg Raargh! http://i.imgur.com/NtqO5.jpg However, after listening through my whole Manowar collection, I realized I'm no teenager anymore. So I changed it into something more manly in a strictly masculine and not-queer-way. http://i.imgur.com/RQG10.jpg Less talk, more skull bashing! Me and my enemy approach each other with blinding speed... http://i.imgur.com/LuhHS.jpg ...Get closer and closer... http://i.imgur.com/vhuE0.jpg ...And stop for a split second to see which of us will bat eyes first just before we... http://i.imgur.com/qEL3j.jpg ...Start angsting like preschool girls?! http://i.imgur.com/legsu.jpg Gah! Must my manly exploits always be upstaged by sudden absurdity when the ladies are watching?! I'll kill that guy extra much just for doing that again! http://i.imgur.com/CA0tw.jpg http://i.imgur.com/BodFc.jpg Stop staring me and die when I hit you! http://i.imgur.com/mfPYk.jpg http://i.imgur.com/EmVmL.jpg Will you (huff)...die before I (puff)...run out of (wheeze)...refreshments or (pant pant pant)...not? http://i.imgur.com/YKbiN.jpg http://i.imgur.com/MeIL4.jpg (Whew) finally (groan)...the victory...is...mine... Or then he just (huffpuff) fell (wheeze)...a...sleep... http://i.imgur.com/MEPKr.jpg Either way! Make room, man! |
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Mmh...cold...wet...and round, stony sky...like I've seen this somewhere before... http://i.imgur.com/mUYxz.jpg Eh? I suppose one benefit of being in South is waking up under a bridge and not having to hack your ankles out of the frozen water. And the convenient torch light, that helps me find my way out of here without slipping and breaking my neck. There is some paper in my pocket. I wonder what it says? http://i.imgur.com/MuDYH.jpg Well, my doctor did tell me it would be good idea to keep a diary to help the sudden cases of amnesia I tend to suffer from. I suppose this counts. And how easy it is to read in this light. http://i.imgur.com/pifoZ.jpg Yep, that torch sure is convenient. I should suggest they get some of these in home too. They'd be huge success in the dark winter days! http://i.imgur.com/b2vOc.jpg I mean, if it wasn't following me around, I could slip on this bridge and... Wait a second? http://i.imgur.com/8cPQA.jpg Who the [beeb] is that? http://i.imgur.com/dIvix.jpg Oooookay, this is a little too creepy even for yours truly. http://i.imgur.com/MyHLw.jpg I think that boy needs to be reminded of how soft his skull is. http://i.imgur.com/Wuvzi.jpg Ha, look at him run away! And I barely even touched him! http://i.imgur.com/DcR2Y.jpg Huff! I need something stiff after that shock. I think I'll go find a local pub somewhere in here. http://i.imgur.com/pD78q.jpg Or then not. I barely have enough privacy to put my clothes back on before this dolt is tailing me again. And that expression on his face doesn't make me feel any better. http://i.imgur.com/4oyCz.jpg Since he seems dumb, I tell him to wait while I take a leak in the forest. Then I hide in these bushes and wait. With any luck, some random monster will soon enough wander here and eat him. http://i.imgur.com/dItlA.jpg Ha, sure enough! I bet that torch doesn't feel such a great idea now, does it! http://i.imgur.com/lLPPw.jpg So, as I was saying: booze. |
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Hello. This is Humphrey the Hamster. I interrupt your regular broadcast to inform you that today is time for another miserable mini-update, because that dolt Hottentot can't do math and messed up the sequence yesterday. I have made him write 1,000 times: "I will learn to count 1 + 1", but honestly don't expect him to have mental acuity for it. In any case, I hope the knowledge of the incredible pain suffered by Hottentot's wrist brings you some satisfaction. I will personally make sure that tomorrow's update will be extra long to make it up for you. Sincerely: Humphrey H. Hamster, Super Genius. Regular broadcast continues in 3...(The hamster is your friend, citizen) 2...(You will feed the hamster, citizen) 1...(Obey!) - - - - - - - - - - - http://i.imgur.com/DUBsV.jpg "Inn of Ill Omen", huh? Well, I just got rid of mine, so I'm confident nothing can ruin my night in this fine establishment. In we go! http://i.imgur.com/3dP9N.jpg See? Nothing wroong heere! I can get druuunk like aaalways! Cheersh!! http://i.imgur.com/Ywf4I.jpg Whee, fireplace!! I love fireplaces!! Must get close to fireplace! http://i.imgur.com/0eB8B.jpg Hmmmm, waaaaaaarm... http://i.imgur.com/QVW5C.jpg Closeeeeeer... http://i.imgur.com/p0fXV.jpg Ow [beeb, beebebeebebeeeeeeeeeb]!!!!! http://i.imgur.com/E6pMq.jpg Heelp! I'm on fiiiire!! In no good waaay!! Water!!! http://i.imgur.com/qx0T9.jpg Aaaaaahh... http://i.imgur.com/oE4Qw.jpg Fire bad! I need some magic sleep to recover my hitpoi...health! To recover my health! http://i.imgur.com/un64T.jpg Eeerr? Did he say "Up" or "Down"? Stupid foreigners and their stupid accents! http://i.imgur.com/WeEQ6.jpg I think it was down. Those stairs look slippery... http://i.imgur.com/lQpVV.jpg Hurr, looks cozy. Except... http://i.imgur.com/HTGxa.jpg There is some codger sleeping in my bed! http://i.imgur.com/2KHF3.jpg Blahblahblah, not interested in your excuses! My bed! Not yours! [WHACK!] http://i.imgur.com/G4x1O.jpg Nighty night! http://i.imgur.com/LPkxV.jpg After a well slept night, I'm leaving before that body starts to stink. Time to find... http://i.imgur.com/5meJc.jpg Why, another fine cultural establishment to suit my refined tastes of course. |
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While I'm getting familiar with the local cultural nuances, this fancy pants disturbs my learning experience by trying to sell me some useless junk. Damn it, man, I left my telephone home just because of this! Usually I wouldn't buy chocolate pudding from a man wearing clothes like that... http://i.imgur.com/4LCvE.jpg But since it was so cheap, how could I refuse? http://i.imgur.com/y27Od.jpg Err, a little gray for my tastes. Maybe I could paint it? http://i.imgur.com/ocqlx.jpg The interiors take some work too, it seems. I'd hire talkoo aid, but prefer to drink all the beer myself. Besides, I'm a real man, so I know how to use a hammer for something else than bashing someone's skull in. A little at least. http://i.imgur.com/P7oqM.jpg But before I start renovating, I'm going to take a good nap. Can't start hammering when my head still spins from learning too much at once... http://i.imgur.com/Jg0zF.jpg [Snooore]...Whuh? Hey! Who invited those guys in?! http://i.imgur.com/YV5RI.jpg That cheating rat who sold me this shack never said anything about additional tenants. Or how they'd leave their hands lying around my property! http://i.imgur.com/bUqwn.jpg Not to mention their stupid diaries! That does it! http://i.imgur.com/TOyuS.jpg I'm going to complain and demand half of my money back! http://i.imgur.com/0TK9K.jpg Oh typical! Just like that guy I bought my last horse from: as soon as I check its legs and teeth, the dude vanishes like a fart into the Sahara desert! http://i.imgur.com/sDGlN.jpg Imperial City, huh? If he thinks he can fool me by hiding in a huge city, he is utterly wrong. I just have to think... http://i.imgur.com/V3jAM.jpg ...if I was new in town, where would I go first? |
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Bingo! Well, after ten taverns and one furniture shop later, but anyway... He of course has an explanation for everything... http://i.imgur.com/gr0fn.jpg But after I grab his neck and walk him back to the house he sold me, he agrees to come inside to see for himself how bad shape it's in. http://i.imgur.com/hnpvc.jpg So I show him the ugly living room. http://i.imgur.com/P0gJ4.jpg The annoying tenants that have already come back. http://i.imgur.com/p6NLx.jpg As well as this stupid goo they leave all around the place. http://i.imgur.com/5lNRX.jpg The fancy pants tries to convince me of the great shape of the wine cellar. I'm insulted! Does he think I can be bribed with booze?! http://i.imgur.com/F4yBn.jpg On the top of everything else, some local teenagers have already ruined my walls! Based on all this, I want at least 75 % refund. In money or in intestines. http://i.imgur.com/MQaLt.jpg The fancy can't be blamed for not trying. Before I can even demand anything, he is already trying to show me how easy this stupid tag is to clean away. http://i.imgur.com/ufGY3.jpg Well great! Now he broke my wall while demonstrating! http://i.imgur.com/mlw6e.jpg And there he already runs away, realizing it's not wise to ruin my property. http://i.imgur.com/BVYrB.jpg [Grumble grumble grumble], you just can't trust anyone these days. What is this place anyway? A glorified bomb shelter? http://i.imgur.com/sMKKy.jpg No, it turns out to be a junk storage room, where the fancy pants has stored his old coloring books... http://i.imgur.com/2edzY.jpg Then there is this very uncomfortable looking bed... http://i.imgur.com/ngpXQ.jpg As well as its owner. He seems to be missing a bodypart here, so maybe I could give him a hand? http://i.imgur.com/8TEXC.jpg Whuh? I never imagined giving an old skeleton his right hand back could make him so happy. I mean, it's not like he wasn't still missing something essential to use it with... http://i.imgur.com/CWR4r.jpg As he realizes it, he tries to take mine. So I have no choice but to whack him dead again. http://i.imgur.com/NjgJ5.jpg The fancy pants is now very sorry for all the trouble he has caused and promises to hire me some prefessional renovation help for my new house. In return I promise not to bash him. http://i.imgur.com/V81hf.jpg Hmm, they did pretty good work. Not as good I would have gotten if I had hired some privateer to do the job, but decent nevertheless. And best of all, they didn't take their wages from my booze. http://i.imgur.com/RLLOT.jpg I'll drink to that! |
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