Vuvuzela is ancient African tradition like BMWs, R Kelly, says defiant SA
http://www.hayibo.com/wp-content/upl...06/Blow-me.jpgPRETORIA. The South African government has come out strongly in defence of the controversial vuvuzela, describing it as an ancient African tradition invented in Mexico in 1973. “The vuvuzela is as proudly African as R Kelly, BMWs, Breitling watches and thousands of other inventions from the Motherland,” said an outraged spokesman this morning.
The raucous plastic trumpets have been accused of destroying World Cup spirit by preventing fans from singing uplifting traditional songs such as
Ronaldo Is A Wanker,
Henri Is A Wanker,
Messi Is A Wanker, and the evergreen German favourite,
Rooney Ist Eine Wenker.
Some teams have urged FIFA to ban the vuvuzela outright, saying that top international stars are unable to hear their coaches shout important tactical instructions like how to breathe and run at the same time.
However, this morning the South African government sprang to the defence of the vuvuzela, describing it as one of Africa’s oldest and proudest traditions.
“These plastic vuvuzelas, we have been blowing them back through the mists of time, right back to 2001,” explained Sports Ministry spokesman Monotoni Tshabalala.
“It was then, the legend tells, that a wandering mystic mlungu called Neil van Schalkwyk was given seed money by the Elders in the accounts department at the magical South African Breweries and lo! The plastic vuvuzela was born!”
Asked why vuvuzelas were being promoted as an African invention when they were originally designed by Mexican football fans in the 1970s, Tshabalala said Mexico was historically part of South Africa.
“It’s called incontinental drifting,” she said. “It’s science. You can look it up.”
She explained that “almost everything” was an ancient African tradition or invention, including BMWs, Breitling watches, and singer R Kelly.
“Mr Kelly was carved from basalt by the forest spirits of Abyssinia and released from the living rock when it was split asunder by the righteous flatulence of Comrade Robert Mugabe after he had eaten a liberation-burrito made of the bones of BBC agents,” said Tshabalala.
“As for Beemers, they are made in Bavaria, which used to be part of the Ciskei but since 1994 it’s been run by the Lutheran Church, I think.”
She said she hoped tourists enjoyed their stay in South Africa, adding that if they had any complaints they were welcome to “blow them out of their arses”.
“This is our show,” she said. “If you don’t like it you can ******* off back home. Just leave the Euros on the nightstand on your way out.”
