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After crashing his car into a tree and fire hydrant, Tiger Woods has now came out and said "Crash was my fault"

Thanks so much for clearing that up, i was under the impression that it was the trees fault. :doh:

I just asked my girlfriend the big question!

She said no; she's never slept with Tiger Woods. :smug:

New Gillette Ad! Tiger Woods appears and says "F**k me! That was a close shave!" :dead:

Stevie Wonder was having a meal with Tiger Woods when he challenged Tiger to a round of golf.
"You can't be serious," said Tiger, without sounding rude. "You're blind, how do you know where your ball is?"
"I play with a ball with a bell in it," said Stevie. "I bet you $10 million that I can beat you."
"Okay then," said Tiger, "but we'll do it for charity. When do you want to do it?"
"Any night next week," says Stevie. :cool:

Geez, Jim, that last one reminded me of one I heard years ago: I can beat the top Olympic sprinter with a three-foot head start, as long as I get to choose the course.

The course? Up a ladder.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve (Post 1219973)

Geez, Jim, that last one reminded me of one I heard years ago: I can beat the top Olympic sprinter with a three-foot head start, as long as I get to choose the course.

The course? Up a ladder.

Rgr that mate....I remember a good few years back when the centre forward of my football team (who was known to have repeated difficulty in staying trim like an athlete) boasted he was quicker than Linford Christie....over one yard :DL

Twas the night of Thanksgiving
and out of the house,
Tiger Woods came a-flying
chased by his spouse.

She wheeled a nine iron
and wasn't too merry,
cause a bimbo's phone number
she found on his Blackberry.

He been cheating on
poor little Elin,
and as each day went by
another woman came out squealing.

He'd been on Holly, on Jamie,
on Rachael, on Corrie,
on Joshlyn, Lalieka
TMZ had the story.

From the top of the world
to above the fold,
Tiger's evermore sordid tale
it was told.

With hostesses, waitresses
he had lots of sex,
and when he wasn't hosin' 'em
he sent 'em hot texts.

He crashed the Caddy
but didn't call OnStar,
yeah, he played "spank me Daddy"
with a skanky ole porn star.

He's been naughty
so with Santa he hasn't a chance,
'cept a big lump of coal
to match the lump in his pants.

But despite all his cryin
and beggin and pleadin,
Tiger's wife went right out
bought a new house in Sweden.

And I heard her exclaim
as she packed the Escalade,
"if your gonna get laid
then I'm gonna get paid".

And now she's not pouting
in fact she's of good cheer,
cause her pre-nup made Christmas
come early this year.

LOL :DL

So, it turns out that the woman rushed to hospital from Tiger Woods' house was his mother in law.

It's about time the poor ***ker had a bit of good news for a change.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna (Post 1220476)

LOL :DL

So, it turns out that the woman rushed to hospital from Tiger Woods' house was his mother in law.

It's about time the poor ****er had a bit of good news for a change.

:har::har:

Yeah, this is one way to get her out of the house.

Even Santa stops after the third ho tiger!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

I remember playing golf in Thailand a few years back.I was playing quite well and a crowd had gathered.

As I holed another putt,the crowd started shouting "tiger!woods!tiger!woods!"

I turned to acknowledge them but they'd gone, and that's when the bloody tiger came out of the woods.
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