SUBSIM Radio Room Forums - Funny sub stories....post one.

One of my good friends on board the USS Darter (SS-576) was an Electrician's Mate who had unfortunately been tagged at birth with the goofy moniker Burdus H. Galbraith II. "Burd" as he was universally known amongst the crew was pretty smart and a great submariner, but he had a penchant to believe anything that was told to him without question. He had to be standing neck deep in BS before he realized it was BS!

Back in the 80's there was no such thing as satellite relayed email while at sea. The best you could hope for was a three or four line "Family Gram" that came via message traffic, and you usually only got those if someone was born or died. Submarines rarely did replenishments at sea so the only way to get snail mail was when we pulled into port. Therefore, the lure of possibly getting mail while at sea was very inticing and it was on this faint hope that we based a rather amusing practical joke.

Being the nub at the time, Burd was targeted for our amusement. He was pulled aside and informed in rather breathless tones that we were pulling up to the "Mail Buoy" in an hour and that he had been chosen as the highly coveted Mail Buoy Lookout & Retrival Detail. Excited that he had been bestowed such a high honor before even getting qualified, he eagerly set about the task of gathering all the required gear. Racing through the boat, he gathered up swim trunks, high top boots, foul weather coat and pants, Kapok life jacket, safety harness and lanyard, goggles, heavy fire fighter gloves, and a boat hook. Reporting to the Forward Torpedo Room with his gear, the snickering TM's informed him that he had to perform all the required Preventative Maintenance checks on the gear before he donned it. 45 minutes later and now finished with the checks, he hurredly donned all the gear after having been informed that we were only a few miles from the Mail Buoy and that he had better get his ass moving. Heaven help the shipmate that missed the Mail Buoy! Man, the crew would be pissed! Very worried now that he was going to miss the buoy and looking remarkably like a pregnant green and orange grizzly bear from Mars, he waddled to the Control Room and informed the Chief of the Watch that he was standing by for Mail Buoy detail.

"You dumbass non-qual", the COW shouted at him, "you didn't get permission yet!" Deeply worried now that he had somehow screwed the pooch, he trudged forward to the Forward Battery, still fully dressed out, and one by one asked the COB, the XO, and the CO (who were all in on the gag) for permission to set the Mail Buoy Detail, all the while trying to desperately remember the hurried words that the COW had thrown at him. After getting the required ration of grief from the three most senior men on the boat, Burd returned to Control and finally got permission to go to the Bridge. Barely able to squeeze through the access trunk because of all the gear he was wearing, he finally made it to the Bridge, reported his readiness to the OOD, and commenced to set the watch. He spent the next half hour on the bridge, anxiously scanning the horizon and wondering why the hell OOD and the Lookout were having a case of the giggles at such an important time! Finally, in a moment of nearly divine inspiration, he realized that he had been had and returned below to find nearly all of his off watch shipmates laughing hysterically!

Taking it like a man, Burd shrugged it off and laughed along with us. However, despite this masterful display of their absolute deviousness, Burd retained his faith in his shipmate's veracity and a few months later fell prey to yet another scheme... :D