Granted, you now prance about the house in a pretty pink tutu whilst committing a lurid act upon yourself with a cucumber much to the disgust and horror of your wife and children who are trying to concentrate on watching their favourit tv programme.

I wish the bitch sitting opposite me at work was 10 year lighter and three stone younger.

Granted and now they decide to let you go and replace you with her, but there is no more money for unemployment and you lose your internet connection never to be seen or heard from in the virtual world again.

I wish the Abercrombie's were not such a wandering bunch of banana-peel Underseabotten miscrients such that the freakish elves were more inclined to pay attention to the salt of the wounds.

Granted, your confuzzled wish results in the freakish Abercrombie elves rubbing significantly more salt into your wounds than is good for them by dragging you behind them during their banana peel, miscreant wandering along the bottom of the sea.

I wish confusion could be more clearly articulated

Your wish is most graciously and gracefully granted while someone yanks the ladder out from underneath the omnipresent presence of he who would call himself TJ and thereby causes a tumbling the likes of which only the greatest of crushers can comprehend through osmosis.

I wish the incoming President the best of luck in his efforts to gets things straight.

Granted,the incoming President of the plumbers federation will need all the luck they can get in getting things straight....especially when you consider most of their members are usually working around the bend.

Granted, but nothing specific was mentioned so only a generic dream crushing is in order.

I wish for world peace, harmony and cuddly bunny rabbits.

Granted, but the cuddly bunny rabbits drive everyone nuts, and now war turns into peace and peace turns into war

I wish to shoot a 12-pound cannon loaded with canister shot at...YOU!

Granted, you do shoot your 12 lb cannon loaded with cannister shot at Rockstar and are later arrested for his murder

I wish Raptor1 would get out of jail in time to finish off the Japanese.

He does...he finishes the Japanese Sushi but is still hungry, mistakes Sydney for Kidney, finds out it is not Kidney Pie as he thought, and unleashes a bomb so big the entire island of Australia turns into the long lost continent of Atlantis.

I wish for nothing.

Granted, and that nothing has been thoroughly crushed

I wish the means justified the end

Granted, and therefore, you go on a killing spree and destroy everything you own and burned all your money to assasinate Ronald Reagan. Then you realize that he is already dead.


I wish upon a star.

Granted, however the star you wished upon has now turned into a black hole

I wish there was a black hole close enough for us to see clearly without getting sucked into it

Granted you wish there was a black hole close enough for you to see clearly without getting sucked into it...although the rise in prositution in your area lowers the value of the homes nearby...

I wish nightmares were actually horses who came out at night...

KD

Granted, but as you well know, the apocalyptic horsemen always exact a price and want your soul as compensation.

I wish my sense wasn't so common.

Granted, you now have no sense whatsoever

I wish to prematurely celebrate victory