Granted, your sun is now shining, but it only shines where the sun used to not shine causing extreme discomfort and charring in the rectal area

I wish the mother of all bombs wasn't such a mother

Granted, the mother all bombs explodes, taking out father of all bombs!

I wish it was the weekend

It is, for me...but you still have 3 days left to do and then you have to work both of your days off without pay.

I wish it were not a full moon tonight...

Granted, it is only half a moon tonight....therefore all werewolves get a night off.

I wish I understood the meaning of misunderstanding.

Granted, now you understand why you do not understand

I wish the paradox could be solved with a good deal of bloodshed

Granted, but the blood is that of a sheep and is therefore not that important.

I wish too many cooks didn't spoil the broth.

Granted, too many cooks don't spoil the broth, they now spoil the brothel causing a massive uprising in the class of male inhabitant that cannot get female companionship without paying for it and ruining the tax base of the State of Nevada so that it goes backrupt and causes yet another government bail-out (this one proposed by Bill Clinton)

I wish life had an instruction manual

Granted, you get the instruction manual. You find out is was written in Atlantis 25,000 years ago and you can't understand a word of it. After spending years translating it you find it's actually a long winded discussion of the truth behind the words, Life's a Bitch, then you die.

I wish I had an endless beer fountain.

Granted, but it's alcohol free beer.

I wish my fountain was a sherbit one.

Granted, your fountain now spouts sherbert when ever you do number ones.

I wish peoples idiosyncrasies were not used against them

Granted, especially when the source has a block of cheese for a brain.

I wish I don't fall for that one again.

Granted, but you do for another one.

I wish that I could revive the dead.

Granted, but now you have to live with Zombies who want to drain your life

I wish allegories were more substantial

Granted, like...alligators

I wish Alligators were less substantial

Granted alligators are less substantial...but that doesn't change their feeding habits....now were back to the alligator infested swamp backing up into your casa...everything from your nuts down are now alligator food...

I wish Raptor had called Chuck Norris to come and kick the alligators asses...they would have eaten themselve's knowing it would have been less painfull than having an ass whoooping by Chucky

KD