Granted, the bitch that sits at the desk opposite you shaved her chin correctly this morning, but, since it took so long, she neglected to shave her armpits and bikini area and, since it's extremely hot today and she is wearing very short shorts and a sleeveless top and has to stand and reach for things all day, you are carted off to the hospital by mid-morning for an extremely bad case of burned eyeballs

I wish things were what I thought they were

Granted, remember that giant meteor you thought about yesterday...?

I wish doom tasted like chicken

Granted, funnily that was what Hannibal Lector said as you met yours.

I wish for more peace and quiet

Granted, but only whilst your mowing the lawn.

I wish my instincts were reliable.

Granted, they are always reliable...wrong but reliably so...

I wish for a better day for all...

Granted, but not so much better as to make it worth going through

I wish people were less stupid

Granted, they are only crazy now.

I wish the risks weren't so inherent.

Granted, they are inherited.

I wish I had half the money Warren Buffett had today...

Granted, Warren Buffet left the house today without his wallet so you get half of nothing.

I wish I had a lot more than I did before.

Granted, you now have a lot more.....bullsh!t.

I wish cowsh!t was harvestable.

Granted... but now you know what is meant by "other natural flavorings" in the ingredients listed on most every food you buy these days!

Now I wish I didn't know that, either! :o

Granted, you are now Sergeant Schultz

I wish more nights could be as good as the last one

They will be, unfortunately not for you...

I wish Sgt Schultz was real...

Granted, he is a real nerd.

I wish my thesis made more sense.

Granted, just enough sense to understand that it's nonsense rather than over-complicated

I wish an army marched on the enemy's stomach