In my family, we pray after we eat.

Since my wife left me I’ve been left with a really big gap to fill.. She was quite fat and we had a memory foam mattress.

I asked my wife if she knew why I was so miserable in our relationship

She shrugged and said "you got me".

"yeah"

Got my wife a new bag and belt for Christmas. Vacuum cleaner should be like new once she fits in the new parts.

My wife and I have decided we don’t want children. If anybody does please send me your email address and we can drop them off tomorrow.

When I was mad at my kids, I told one of them

"Some day, you will have children of your own"

My son replied, "you too"

:shifty:

My wife told me that I was the sunshine in her life.

When I asked her why, she told me that every time she looks at me, her eyes start to hurt.

:shifty:

:haha:

I have some pretty good looking kids

Thank god my wife cheats on me. :03:

My dad always used to say, ‘What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,’ – ’till he had the accident.

I told my son about the Birds and the Bees
He told me about my wife and the Butcher :shifty:

After 3 years of marriage, me and the wife had our first real fight last night.
I called my dad for advice on how to fix things.
He told me to apologize and admit I was wrong.
I was really looking for advice on how to dispose of the body.

BETTY BOOP SAYS:
 

I opened the front door to our house and saw my wife in a sexy negligee.

She was coming home. :shifty:

:haha: Democratic Mao already stated he had "elections evely molning".