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Last night I spent the entire evening watching Jaws 3. My wife, her mother and her sister all came over and were talking all night.
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I lost my job recently and don’t have much money but managed to get my girlfriend some really nice flowers the other day. It’s amazing what you can find attached to a lamppost.
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Wife: Would you still love me if I became fat and lost my looks.
Husband: What do you mean “if”? |
As soon as it gets frosty outside my wife becomes obsessed with looking through the window.
Maybe I should let her in the house. |
My wife is so bad at cooking we usually pray after eating our food.
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My wife is such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka Seltzer.
(with a nod to Mr. Dangerfield) |
Today is my 5th Wedding Anniversary and it’s been a total nightmare. On the plus side I’m now no longer scared of terrorism.
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My son brought his first girlfriend home tonight. The verdict? Flat chested, fat legs, and a flabby backside.
Oh, and she doesn’t react well to criticism. |
I’ve just been given two weeks to live. My wife’s going on vacation for a couple of weeks.
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Daughter: “Mum, am I ugly?”
Mum: “I told you not to call me mum in public.” |
I told my doctor that I thought my wife had an STD
The doctor gave himself a shot of penicillin. |
Quote:
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I’m not saying my wife’s cooking is bad…..
But several weapons manufacturers from the Middle-East have been trying to buy her recipes. |
I finally decided to let my wife know that I had been seeing a therapist.
In response she told me she was seeing the butcher, two plumbers, and a kid from the local band. |
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