Granted, holiday routine. Holiday for some routine for others, now get to work.

I wish I had a submarine



.

Granted, you have a submarine. It's one of those toys that you put baking soda in and watch it submerge and surface in the bathtub. You enjoy it so much that you don't get out of the tub for 3 years and end up being mistaken for a prune and eaten by one of the giant aliens that has taken over earth while you were playing with your sub in the tub

I wish that dirt were dollars

Granted, but seeing as how much dirt exists, the dollar is now worthless.

I wish my mind would stop spinning.

Granted, it starts dancing instead

I wis...

Granted, as you left left your wish open ended I get to finish it for you.

I wish Raptor1 all the best in his new life as a dung beatle.

Granted, Raptor1 becomes a dung beetle, but the karma fairy has decided you get to be the ball of dung his is rolling

I wish the karma fairy would stay the hell away from me

Granted, but her grandma gets up real close and pulls yer trousers down exposing your pink y-fronts.

I wish to be contrite.

Granted, you are contrite but still every bit a ribald.

I wish I owned an Oscar Mayer Weinermobile.

Granted, but a short sighted T-Rex comes along and eats it.

I wish it came with more relish.

Granted, it comes with more relish but no pickle

I wish pickles were eradicated

Granted, pickles are eradicated causing an uprising by the Chik-Fil-A Sandwich Eaters United against Tarjakistan because a Chik-Fil-A is nothing without a pickle slice. Of course, since you are the leader of Tarjakistan and blamed for everything, you are placed in a vat of pickle brine and drowned for 30 years or so

I wish that wishes were easier to think of and harder to crush

Granted, you now have absolutely no difficulty in thinking up armour plated wishes.

I wish my bearings were precise.

Granted, but you got the range all wrong

I wish jimbuna got the bloody range correct

Granted, jimbuna has finally gotten the correct range and bearing information unfortunetly the target has long since found out his location.

I wish jimbuna all the best against the 3 destroyers now bearing down on his position


.

Granted, he does, first he sinks your ship, then he sinks TJ's, and finally he sinks DT's. But then, in a flash of inspiration, Bernard rushes into the conning tower screaming,

I did it! I finally figured out how to bypass the safety and open both the outer and inner doors at the same time!

and the weight of the water rushing in takes the sub directly to the bottom where it and it's crew are never heard from again...

I wish better training...

Granted, improved potty training will commence tomorrow.

I wish I could have seen the look on the face of the bitch who sits opposite me at work when she allowed a felon to escape from her grasp.

Granted, you see her face and immediately shudder at the sight regretting you made the wish you have an overwhelming urge to run as the felon before you did.


I wish there was a law against ugly.

Granted, there is and you are just about to become the first one prosecuted

I wish all the illegal uglies were rounded up and deported

Is that why you are being sent to the Antarctic?

I wish I did not have to go visit the Dr today...

Granted, now you die from whatever illness you needed to go to the doctor about

I wish faeuipogsn was a real word