Granted, today is the big day but you oversleep and miss it.

I wish my memory would serve me better.

Granted, your memory serves you better but only in recalling bad date nights, hangovers, lost bets, missed opportunities for riches, fame and beautiful women.

I wish I could stop time.

Granted, time is stopped however you continue along at the velocity you were travelling when it stopped, killing you instantly

I wish the killing would stop

Granted, it stops....but it will never actually end.

I wish my bakers dozen was in fact the imaginery thirteen.

Granted...it is all in your head...and you get to spend eternity in the 'rubber room' because the courts have found you insane.

I wish the heating guy would get his work done and leave so I can spend some quality time with my wife...;)

Granted he's finished and your quality time last for the usual 30 seconds

I wish time had better quality

Granted, time has better quality, but absolutely no quantity (for you, anway), buh-bye:D

I wish that the resident drama queen at my house would learn to be quiet when I'm sneaking up on a convoy

Granted, you are now completely silent when creeping up on a convoy.

I wish I had more time

granted, more time, you get 1 extra second.

I wish for better luck in IL2 on Monday.:lol:

Granted...you get .000001% better luck Monday three weeks after Easter in the year 2020 than today.


I wish quality time were not a thing of the past...

Granted, it is now of the present.

I wish my kingdom for a horse.

Granted, a horse now has your kingdom

I wish the word plethora was easier to rhyme with

Granted, but you don't find a use for the rhyme

I wish ICBMs were not WOMDs

Granted, they are now WOMBs

I wish I knew why the left is never on the right.

Granted, you now know why, but what does it matter since the rest of still don't know why.

I wish jimbuna would tell ua why the left is never on the right.

Granted, Jimbuna tells the UA why

I wish I knew who these UA people are

Granted, 'you all' now know what UA means.....but not why.

I wish the whys were the wherefores.

Granted, the whys are now the wherefores, the wherefore now the whos, the whos the hows, the hows the whens and the whens the whats and the whats the whys, which means that it is now all messed up...just like the world.

I wish academics were not so scholarly.

Granted, they stop going to school and get real jobs leaving you out of one

I wish gardens were self maintaining

Granted, gardens are self maintaining, causing gazillions of people who used to enjoy gardening as a hobby to attack TarJakistan with hoes, spades and hoses, causing a terrible mudslide which slides all the TarJakistanis into ubootcomradeland where WW3 erupts because of the mud shortage in TarJakistan

I wish mud wasn't such a valuable commodity