Granted, but the world becomes flooded and the human race evolves to a creature with gills and webbed feet.

I wish the bitch sitting opposite me would go on an early lunch.

Granted, and she invites you to come as well

I wish someone else would murder the bitch sitting opposite to Jimbuna, since he is obviously incapable of that

Granted someone else murders the bitch sitting opposite to Jimbuna, since he is obviously incapable of that and gets caught, turns the dime on Jimbo...the arresting officer IS the fat bitch whos is sitting across from Jimbuna...she also performs a full cavity search upon booking him into the jail, not stopping till she hits the back of his molars...

I wish cavity searches were more user friendly...

Granted, the big hairy bloke searching your cavity has gotten real friendly...

I wish I could get that image out of my head.

Granted, but it involves invasive brain surgery

I wish I could legally perform invasive brain surgery on TarJak

Granted, but your looking in the wrong area, you need to lower his trousers for easier access.

I wish I understood what I was thinking.

Granted, after understanding it you realise that is all bullshi* so you stop thinking.

I wish Jimuna's post counter was broken and stopped at 19,999

Granted but then the board breaks and every time he makes another post, everyone else's post count goes down.

I wish everyone would stop picking on TJ and start picking on me.

Granted, we will come over tomorrow to pick up your computer, 60" LCD TV and that nice sofa

I wish you wished I wished something

Granted but wish wishing for a third-party wishes places you in violation of the wish fulfillment clauses of the sacred collective agreement with the Genies, Magic Sprites and Leprechaun Union Local 1771. This causes a wildcat strike in protest and you are torn apart by a litter of wildcats.

I wish people were less careful of what they wish for.

Granted...now people wish stupid wishes and you being the only person left on earth carry a herpes simplex 10 virus...global warming doesn't cure it and now you and all the animals left on earth suffer....

I wished that there was a cure for herpes simplex 10

Granted, but seeing as how you are riddled with syphilis, the cure is of absolutely no use to you.

I wish I owned the patent to a cure for the common cold.

Granted, you own the patent to a cure for the common cold, but no one gets a common cold any more, they get the uncommon one, so the cure is for nothing and the patent is worthless

I wish I knew where I left my sanity

Granted, drop your trousers and bend over, then I should be able to replace it for you ;)

I wish I had a tin of tartan paint.

Granted, but you left the lid off and it completely solidified and is useless.

I wish ales and stouts could be used as tartan paint thinner.