Granted, your wish has a monkey, it's name is Charles

I wish his wish made some wishful sense

Granted, wishful nonsense.

I wish I had a new set of sluitels.

Granted, but the wish fairy thought you said "slut tells" and the biatch across the desk tells everyone that you are engaged to her causing you irreparable embarrassment

I wish I hadn't sneezed during TarJak's operation

you bastage...I was typing out a killer crush for that wish...


Not granted...dayamit and now your left nut is doing a hoola-hoop through the hole you just rip in your...well you know where.

I wish I hadn't had to type all the crap to crush Jimbo's wish before DT jumped in and did It for me...thus getting a mildly mediocre crush of someone elses dream


KD

Granted, now you had to write it all down, with a medieval-style stylus

I wish violence hadn't ensued before I got the popcorn ready

Granted, Just as you sit down with your hot popcorn 20, no wait, FIFTY midgets dressed in clown outfits burst out of your closet, beat you senseless and steal your popcorn.

I wish I had a monkey named Raptor1 instead Charles

Granted you wish you had a monkey named Raptor1 instead Charles but the new monkey named Raptor1 does the same tricks as Charles did...when your bending over drying your feet fresh from the shower Rator1 runs up your poop shoot and starts bobbing for apples from last nights festivities...you have to go to ER to get him out.


I wish monkeys wern't so anal retentive...

KD

They aren't...that is why you have to keep eating those 'little white pills' to keep from defacating all over the house they let you stay in.

I wish that BFB of JB's would turn into a Beautiful PG (NO, it doesn't stand for pregnant either.)

Granted you wish that BFB of JB's would turn into a Beautiful PG (NO, it doesn't stand for pregnant either.) but she is now a PlayGirl....everyone is in line...2 take a turn...



I wish I could go last...I don't want anyone to tap me on the shoulder...

KD

Granted, but your kid gives the monkey a candy bar and a Dr Pepper. The monkey winds up shi**ing all over the place making your wife so mad and informing you that she doesn't feel like making love anymore till you get rid of the monkey and buy her a new BMW.

I wish I had a new BMW ... What's your wife's name anyway? :p

Granted, but you and the BMW are conscripted into the French Army and sent to the river Marne before you manage to find out her name

I wish Rockstar would get Charles back so I could go home

Granted, Rockstar gets Charles back and you get to go home, but now you have to go home with Charles and meet his wife, Charlotte the Harlotte and she immediately finds you so attractive that she can't keep her hands off of you causing Charles to become immensely POed and he spends the rest of the day flinging poo at you

I wish Raptor1 had the new poo repellant Hazmat suit on when he went home with Charles

Granted, however the hermetically sealed suit prevented his own gases from escaping making him gag and puke inside his helmet.

I wish that crush was less graphic.

Granted, he vomits blood instead....over you




I wish to make Charles the monkey my second in command.

Granted, in fact, he does a better job than your old XO who was made a watch officer. He was Bernard.



I wish that the Bernard jokes would end

Granted they do...afer he gets a sex change operation and winds up as the FB sitting across from JB's desk...

I wish that all boats had a Bernard(ina) as it's morale officer...

Granted, but the consequence is that every boat must now carry a pox doctor so rations are reduced to feed the extra mouth.

I wish to go to the toilet now.

Granted, but you soon find out there is no more need for that

I wish Charles would make a better job at guarding Ubootcomradegrad from communist revolutions

Granted, communist revolutionaries are dead at the hands of Charles the monkey. But Charles must, in order to watch over Ubootcomradegrad and keep him from other dangers, take him as his mate for life.

I wish next year officially started at 10AM so I get a good night sleep.

Granted, it does in another time zone...but alas, not yours...

I wish my daughter would leave so my wife and I...