Granted your the jailer, and there is a prison riot...the cell block is taken over and all of the guards are held hostage...your now a man-bitch for bubba who trades you for cigs....


I wish bus trips were shorter....

Granted, they are shorter because the driver stops 10 km before reaching destination leaving the rest for your legs.

I wish there was "no hostage policy" when it comes to Jimbuna and his new bubba-friend.

Granted, jimbuna kills him instead.

I wish the bitch sitting opposite me at work would have a sheve (facial context).

Granted but then you find you have been fantacizing about a man in your wild dreams, cannot take the pressure, and wind up being put in a mental institution with an extreme psychosis.

I wish Unterseebootland wasn't so rich in albertonium.

Granted, Albertonium is mined to exhaustion, there is now no longer any minerals on Unterseebootland and everyone emigrates to Zimbabwe for a better lifestyle.

I wish methodical solutions were guesstimates.

Granted, and they still don't work

I wish I could encircle and destroy the enemy

Granted but you fail to make the order due to terrible indecision
and waffling resulting in the worst defeat in military history as your
entire host surrenders to a wandering ice cream vendor for their
salvation from their own command.


I wish I had a popsicle.

Granted, it is the lemon variety. Enjoy the film.

I wish my dentist had of been available today.

Granted, your dentist has been available, and now much of your worldly posessions are thoroughly dented

I wish Jimbuna's stuff could be fixed

Granted, but then it gets stolen.


I wish I knew the exact location of Unterseebootland so I could invade and claim it in the name of the 87th empire of Ubootcomradeland.

Granted but your invading minions are shattered by an unexpected Unterseebootland counter-offensive and 92% of them are scooped up as prisoners of war. This causes a collapse of national will in Uboatcomradeland and you are deposed in a bloody coup and brought up on charges of 'doing things' with butter and raw liver. A crime against good taste. You flee to exile in Zimbabwe for the improvement in lifestyle that it brings.

I wish some of the fantasy empires around here were real.

Granted, they are...it's just that your a hard guy to convince.

I wish my wishing well was full of gold dust.

Granted, but you are allergic to gold dust, sneeze, and spread it all out over the countryside, losing it all, watching the stock market fall as oil prices spiral upwards out of control, and live the rest of your life in squalor.

I wish Neal would change the smilies he uses on this board.

:help: :lurk: :lost:

Granted, he turns the board into a totalitarian dictatorship and everyone loses their smiles

I wish to expand my borders to the west, where there is the unpopulated, unclaimed country that is rich with harvestable resources that will help drive my war machine

Granted, but you live at the South Pole and just keep going around in circles.

I wish pizza did not have so many calories.