This was sobering to read. This could be me in a few years.



My wife is very similar. I finally convinced her last year a 19 year old girl should do her own laundry. I often tell my wife she should abandon motherhood and just start a church to our daughter. Become a nun. Our daughter can do no wrong in her eyes. Often frustrating.

Thank you for those insights, as sobering as they are.

Improve her situation?

You were completely remiss in your responsibilities, Aktung. Your number one priority was to make sure your daughter didn't date anyone who was even remotely like you. :haha: When I dated different women, the mum's liked me, the dad's, not so much. I'm sure the dad's thought I had ulterior motives where their daughters were concerned. I did but how did they know ? :haha: Occasionally, it was just the opposite.

Sky kinda hit the nail on the head. With current economics / Inflation, rents have gone through the roof. Kids today would eat all their meals out. Then they complain they have no money to pay bills. A woman that I dated had no idea how to buy / cook in bulk. I would make things in a 13 quart roaster pan / oven. I would leave a little in the fridge for the week and freeze the rest. I portioned everything out in 1 meal containers. I did this with everything. I grew up watching my mum cook and only figured it out later she had been teaching me. We would talk after I got home from school in our huge kitchen. Same with laundry and other things. The only time I ate out was while on a date. On dates, I also would make dinner at my place or they would make dinner. I budgeted everything. Kids today have very little in the way of life skills.

I played in bands in high school and on graduating, we hit the road and were gone. Later with college and service along with the previous bands, It wasn't that I ever moved out. I was just never home and stopped going home altogether, if that makes sense. I was only a phone call away and would see the folks for dinner maybe once a week or every two weeks when things settled down.

Oddly enough, when one or the other of my parents were Ill, I would go home to look after them and my room was just as I left it years before. I would end up staying and leaving for work from there instead of my place.

The economy and inflation has everything screwed up and more and more families are working and combining their resources just to get by.

Maybe these kids are listening to Rodney Dangerfield as he graduated college at 0:48


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LF0MilNDV1I


Good luck.

boot them out make them pay rent and bills once they are 18 your job is done comes to the bf get a 12 gauge when my daughter first started dating i told the boy i been country all my life and have castrated a lot of animals a human being aint nothing but an animal every time he seen me sharping my hunting knife he break the speed record for the dads with daughters younger than 18 get a casity belt and lose the key

In the UK you're perfectly within your rights to show them the door at 18, but as Sky suggests - they often just can't afford to move out. People are finding it next to impossible to service a mortgage now (and this is about to get a whole lot worse) and rent prices are even crazier

But if they want to have adult relations then I'd say it's pretty disrespectful of him to routinely march upstairs - if that's what they're doing. Maybe they should get a room for that kind of thing?

My son is 21 and lives at home for the one good reason that he's autistic and couldn't cope on his own - he has to be watched out for all the time. That has nothing to do with this really but I wanted you to know that I am a parent of a 20-something so have a view

Hopefully things will improve economically for them if indeed it's the case that they can't afford to live together... but they must surely know they're only on borrowed time here? Wives always seem to want to hang onto the kids for as long as possible it seems, so yours is going to see this differently to you I'm afraid - it's her 'baby' - so she's going to need some persuasion!

I consider myself very lucky, my lad commenced a seafaring career at age sixteen and within two years had purchased his own property.

My daughter went to university but upon graduating she married and purchased her own property.

Should either or both decide to return for any reason, the door will always be open and that is the reason the wife and I have not downsized property wise.

Thank you all for your input. What worries me a bit is that there is very little middle ground. It seems either you give in, or you kick them out.

We charge rent, $200/month, which she pays dutifully. My wife will then turn around every month and pay my daughter's $50 phone bill. I remind her we already pay for her wireless internet, car insurance, etc. etc.

Her universal response is; "well that is what parents do, now isn't it?"

And it is rather hard to counter that one I will admit (and I say this at the cost of having my chess skills berated once more by Aktungbby vis-a-vis "lack of counter moves" :haha:)

I would now like to address this post individually:

You are indeed insanely lucky. But this might be due to the equal distribution of males and females in the household. As the lone wolf, I often get bullied by the females that gang up on me. I thought Mr. "pink pants" would even things out a bit. But he always sides with them.

I can say this.

It doesn't surprise me that you want them to move out while your wife feel comfortable with the current situation.

Men are more eager to cut the (forgot the word)
And
Women are more eager to keep this (forgot the word)With their children.

Men(Husband) want their offspring to learn how to live on their own.
While Women(Wife) want to keep them safe as long as possible.

(This above is something I remember from a program about Human nature-Parenthood)

Markus

@ Shady Bill.

It sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place. You're dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. I will assume you have spoken with your daughter and " Mr. Pink Pants " and it went no where. Probably you would have better luck talking to a house plant. I well and truly hope it gets better not only for you, but Platapus, Aktung and everyone else who is going through similar circumstances.

My own dad and various uncles were involved in the heavy construction trade. By default, I started working with them at 7-8 years old. I just did clean up then but also mixed mortar and carried bricks in brick tongs, if anyone knows what they are. Mixing mortar is a back breaking job and I do have back issues today, probably as a result of my work then. As I got older and more experienced, I did more. By today's standards, what I did then could and would be considered child abuse. We also operated car and body shops. I worked in all of them doing the dirtiest jobs no one there wanted to do.

Years later, I was at a social function with my family in attendance. My dad said to me while talking with others there, " you learned a lot working with me." In my usual flippant manner, I said, " you're right dad. I learned I never wanted anything to do with heavy construction." Everyone had a good laugh. My dad just looked at me and smiled. He said, " That's great. You have learned the the greatest lesson I was trying to teach you." He further explained that by seeing what hard work was and experiencing it first hand, I would " buckle down " in school and go to college and learn and not waste my time. Suddenly, " the light bulb came on brightly." My dad was right and I told him so. I admire both my parents more and more as time goes on.

My dad always told others that were young and upset with their living conditions at home. " If you are so smart, move out now and get a job while you still know everything. "

It's not easy being a parent. I'm sure you're doing the best you can do under the circumstances. As the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.....

@ Eichhörnchen.

Your situation and circumstances are completely different, with Lawrence. Considering the uphill battle you and Moira and indeed Lawrence himself has had, you and Moira have done a fantastic job. You and I have talked over the years on Lawrence and your situation.

What's even more amazing is that you and Moira raised Lawrence without the benefit of an " operating manual " to know the best way to do things with Lawrence. You and Moira had to learn everything about Autism " on the fly " :yep: While some parents are remiss in their responsibilities or are hamstrung or have their " hands tied behind their backs, " You and Moira did exceedingly well in teaching and raising Lawrence. :yep:


Well done. :Kaleun_Salute:

No. :)Ah, so not as much oriented on a realistic goal, but living from one day to the next!? If so, this makes your worries clearer.


Hot tar and feathers may do the trick. :O:

I showed this to my wife, we both had a good laugh Skybird :haha:


I said to her laughing loudly; "Come look at what this guy wrote!" :D

It is nice to see I am not alone in this madness. We all love our children. But enough is enough. You can only handle them for so long and quite frankly I thought 20 years would be the number, but maybe not. I will continue to wait out the situation for now. My dad turned 89 this month and is in great shape. With any genetic luck I can wait them all out :hmmm::D
When adult children start doing adult things with boyfriends/girlfriends, it is time to get out of the house.

I also worked in my dad's garage. I helped my uncle restore RVs, which by today's standards would equate to child labor at times, but I call it having had a "full life" as a young person. I have nieces younger than my daughter, and it is actually quite troublesome how much of their time is spent staring at their phones.

The minds of our children are being completely changed, I will go as far as using the word "altered", by social media. I have found the best way to get their attention is to shut down the internet. If I want peace I shut the router down and blame AT&T. I once had to make a pretend call to Comcast to get peace and quiet and stop Youtube from blaring at full blast. I spoke to nobody for a good 5 minutes in front of other people. It was insanely delusional, but felt very rewarding in a strange way. I kept the router off for a good 8 hours, it was wonderful. That night the lone wolf won.

@ Commander Wallace

Thank you kindly, CW - there is however more help now than there used to be: we were easily able to get him his placements in special schools throughout the years, one of which also held "Early Bird" classes for parents. But there never could be a manual to cover this issue because all autistic folks are different: as they say, when you meet one autistic person then you've met only one autistic person!

Now he's finished college and become an adult, they do provide a daytime group there called "Adult Skills" (he can go every day if he wants but I take him just on Mondays and Fridays) - they just do fun things, like plane spotting at Conings by (I'd have liked to have gone on that trip :haha:). And because of his disability he gets this totally funded by the local authority - we couldn't afford it

Where has this...Nature of revolting against the parents gone ?

From this documentary parenthood-It was said that it's natural that young people is revolting against their parents and leave the nest.

Markus

Very astute observation. That revolt against parents has gone. Strange isn't it?

I have a nephew who has Asperger syndrome. He is a bit older (24 I believe) and still lives with mom and dad but does incredibly well. He even is taking college classes. He is my favorite nephew, and I always tell him that. The kid has zero filter. He will tell you straight to your face what is wrong if he doesn't like something you do or say.

I always tell him; "max, you're the only honest one in the whole family" :haha: He once told my mother-in-law her outfit looked terrible at a Christmas party. Before we left that night I hugged that kid so tight. It is one of my better Christmas memories I must admit. He is a lot like myself in many ways I suppose.

^ My wife Moira just had a good chuckle at this :haha:

They do tell it like it is - our boy once levelled his finger at the end of a waiter's nose and asked him, very loudly, why he "Has a woman's voice". Honest if you heard this guy on the phone you would think he was a female

Aspergers folks are more able to get by in the world of "Neurotypicals" and 'high-functioning' ones especially so. They are often fine with the everyday stuff and can be very good at concealing their 'difference' and learning when not to say something. Our lad is on a different part of the autistic spectrum and needs someone on his case to keep him on-task... he'd be happy to spend all day gaming. But he does try hard at everything he's given to do and his good nature and funny antics make him a pleasure to be around

the biggest problem with today kids is they get baby a lot,i can be sitting on the bus kids are tearing up stuff i'm like you know your parents might be working hard to get you that stuff their answer we don't care as soon has i could walk my dad had me working that was to pay him back for food,clothes and roof over my head honest parents should become Gunny with a slice of USMC old style boot camp

I always jokingly tell my daughter I will turn her room into an opium den the minute she moves out. :haha:

But someone before made a very good point. If you look at her room it has; large screen TV, Play station 5, record player, make-up station, queen size bed, laptop with free high speed internet, music gear...there is a trombone up there that I bought her a couple of years ago when that madness entered our lives. Long story short, why would you leave all that?

My bedroom as a teenager had a desk, a lamp, books and a bed. That is about it.