Small child goes into bathroom by themselves. The next thing you hear is a small voice "Uh oh, Daaaaaaad".

This is a no sheeter.

Just got the family off of a sinking boat. Wife apparently in a state of confusion suddenly exclaims "MY PURSE!" Then to everyones amazment jumps back onto the boat, runs down below to get her purse and 'kaploosh' down it goes.

Everyone the crew, the family just stood there wide eyed, jaws dropped thinking what the 'ell just happened. Few seconds laters up she comes like a cork purse in hand.

I love it when someone says, "Get me the President".

I tried using that to end an argument with my wife once. She told me if I keep it up, she would call in a surgical strike on me.... not sure what that meant but she won the argument.

Said by your wife/GF "We need to talk"

Oh that is not going to go well. :nope:

"Let me sort it, I've done this before".

Hold my beer, I wanna try something.

"What happens if I put this in there?"

"I've got a surefire winner of an idea".

"It's a cocker spaniel, how agresive can they be"

I know I shouldn't laugh, but :har:

Wife comes to bed and says "lets try something from this book I'm reading: 50 shades of Grey"

Don't worry, it will be OK, I read about it on the Internet

And for our Top Gear fans

"How hard can it be?"

Monty Pythons Holy Grail

"Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!"

Don't worry, I've done this many times before.