I've been called the brick due to my shape and name.
And a lot of things by my mother that are not suitable for the forum.

And there was that one company picnic where I said I'll jump in the river if I hear Alejandro again and as fate would have it, someone had a Lady Gaga Cd with him. And so I swam, underwear only infront of the entire company.
Took me 4 years to loose the name Alejandro.

And when I was in Rovinj, the designated driver trying to herd 3 drunk friends to the car. From all the catching and picking up people from the wet grass I looked like I thrown up all over me, did a #1 and #2 in my pants and went half a mile on my knees. And I was the only one sober :nope:

No good deed goes unpunished...
 

I'm fueling my vehicle at a convenience store pump when a lady pulls up to the other side and proceeds to fumble around with the fueling equipment clearly at a loss in it's workings. So, like a good samaritan, I offer to assist. Unbeknownst to me the previous patron was lazy and had shoved their gas cap into the trigger. I pulled the nozzle from the pump and flipped the switch only to have gasoline come spewing forth in the direction of the lady, soaking her in gas from the neck down.:huh:

When i was seeing my girlfriend (now wife) for the second time I had a bad chesty cough. We were sat at her place drinking red wine and I had just taken a mouthful when, without warning, I coughed a spray of red wine all over her face, neck, coffee table and carpet. Fortunately she was ok about it and to my surprise even wanted to see me again! She still reminds me of it today.:oops:

Tango has the right idea. Spit in her face right off the bat.:up:

:har:

Better sooner than later I suppose :)

There are better ways to lay down how it's gonna be.....:haha:

Latin's lowest common denominator!
 

I had a worker call in from a jobsite once stating he had to go home because he crapped in his pants. I told him he should've just said he was sick and went home...Everyone on the jobsite knew and his new nickname from then on was Pooter...

You'll find it tough to moderate in a pub in July. ;)

Went to a movie with the wife and kids a few years ago. It was a 3D movie :down: and after the obligatory advertising had finished I put my "3D" glasses on and was puzzled by the fact that the screen was fuzzy and out of focus.

Whispered to the wife that my glasses didn't seem to be working.

We swapped and she happily informed me that I was using my sunglasses instead of the 3D glasses in my shirt pocket. Got ridden on that one for a day or so and every time we go to a movie get reminded was
check which glasses I've got on.

Back in the mid 80's I was stationed in Omaha Nebraska. A great place to live and a good place to meet nice people. Including one special lady.

I was intimate with this lady when I was living in Omaha. One evening we decided to spend some time together.

She happened to be a little kinky and I was a lot kinky. I had my "toys" with me and we decided to go back to her house to desport ourselves in our particular manner.

When we got to her house, I made sure the front door was locked (scene security; rule 1)

We were then desporting ourselves in her bedroom and everything was going swimmingly. Then I heard the front door open and after what appeared to be about 0.5 seconds later, her bedroom door opened.

Enter the mother :o:o:o:o:o

(now if this were a Penthouse letter, it would have ended much differently with a hot kinky threesome. However this was reality. :nope:)

Judging from the mother's body language and dialogue, it became quickly apparent to me that the mother

1. Did not know that her daughter was kinky
2. Did not know that her daughter was intimate with me
3. Did not understand the concept of Safe, Sane, and Consensual play
4. Did not understand what was going on
5. Was not pleased at all.

Hurried explanations, more hurried untying, and an even more hurried departure quickly followed. It was .... awkward to say the least :yep:

It was lucky the mother did not have a gun. :o:o:o

I learned a very important lesson: Find out if your play partner's mother has a key to the house and has a habit of just walking in, before starting to play. Door chains are your friend. :yep:

Surprisingly, I did not get a Christmas card from her mother that year. Go figure.

Sadly, this play date also adversely affected my relationship with the lady. I truly regret the embarrassment she suffered in front of her mother. That was not the intent. That was about 30 years ago and I still feel bad for her. She was a special lady.

Went to see Avatar 3D. During the scene where they blew up the giant tree I mistook a 3D amber for a fly and slapped my own face

There's a couple I could mention...but none of them can top anything posted here. :rotfl2:

You're young yet and you'll have ample opportunities in the future.:03:

Flipping your car was a good one though, Chitwood.:rock: