I mean no disrespect... Just trying to clear one part up.

You say you don't know her well enough to put your foot down and ask her to stop being a heroin addict...

But at the same time you DO know her well enough to be devoted to her care for the rest of her days?

If I started dating someone who revealed a life threatening condition, well that sucks.

If they spring being a drug addict on me as well?

That's about the time I'd have the lets just be friends talk with her.

It will be heartache enough to have her die before you're ready to let go, but you'll live on with the stigma that despite your best efforts you couldn't save her not only from her condition but her terrible addiction as well.

I think you're entering a situation filled with heartache and I think one has to love themselves enough to keep out of such situations before they can fully love another

All good messages. Received. Thank you guys.

The lupus is a minor consideration, early stages still. The smack though....

She says it's a matter of insurance for rehab. She wants off. But she needs help. We'll see. I told her I would not heckle her about it, but in no way was I enabling her. I made my views clear.

She's bad news and I know it. I should just walk away. She doesn't do it to get high (anymore), she does it to not get sick from the dt's. I've been around enough junkies over the years to know the difference. I believe her on this front.

We'll see.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, even the ones suggesting a hard line. It may come to that.

But for now, I have nothing else in my life, and this is something I am able to cling to. Does that give us a good long term prognosis? Nope. But either way, I will know I did my best for another human being, that being either sitting by her through detox or walking away right now. I seem to be happiest knowing I've been able to help others.

i would like to add ome more thing...
If you want that healing bird ( i like to think of her as on a healing path)... if you want her to heal, you have to be steady as a rock. she is not. might never be.

Therefor, think of yourself as a nuke powered aircraft carrier, hosting a flock of damaged tomcats.

Or see that you are the Rock of Gibraltar, where a healing Monkey lives.

She is not only drugs and lupus. I shall not forget that.
But take all care of yourself, before you take care of her.
else, she might not live a good life.

Be her rock, be her carrier... but with proper servicing and maintainance first!:):sunny:

God bless you. You have chosen a tough road but with the realisation of what lies ahead. I can only say that I admire that choice. If put in the same situation I can't say what I would do. There has been lots of good advice here, take it to heart. Stay strong and take care of yourself. Good luck.

I tried like hell to love a woman who suffers from bipolar disorder, i decided that i would tough it out and prove to her how much i care.

In the end - in order to maintain my own sanity - i searched for and found a way out of the situation.

and I'm glad to no longer be involved.

who knows, maybe it will be the greatest love you ever know, but i cant help but have the feeling you are only setting yourself up for great pain.

Like i said, a life threatening condition is one thing... an almost unshakable addiction to a serious drug is another story.

either choice you make, good luck to you

Here too. Same disorder, same motivation, same lack of clear view.

the first year was good actually. laughs, discovering the world together.

the second year i managed, with her becoming more and more homesick, me alone not being able to provide the 20+ people family she needed.

the third year i suffered and started to make her suffer... because i failed to achieve the strength i aimed for - and almost got physical.

in the beginning of the fourth year i needed more energy for preserving my own self, lest i crash and burn.

That's where i pulled the handle of the ejection seat, sent her back to where she came from- to her family, her friends, her sunshine and her beaches.

I believe though, it made sense, both of us learned valuable lessons from the years spent together.
One of the lessons is:
Advice is mostly ignored... only when you break your bones and see your blood, you learn to use your brain a bit more.