Long live the nincompoop!!!

Nincompoops forever :DL:D:haha::salute:

"Beside your normal duties as laid out by BDU and my standing orders, you will conduct daily silent singing practice with the Port Watch," Balz said.
"Silent sinking, Herr Kaleun?"
"Singing, with a g, like tra la la."
Keller could not help but scratch his head. "How does one sing silently?"
"You do it in German." Balz smiled and spread his arms.
"Do what in German?"
"Sing like a Wagnerian opera hero, But silently and make sure no one is silent singing in Japanese. Only I do Japanese arias in German. Silent singing is very inspiring with the background thunder of depth charges. " Balz closed his eyes and swayed his head from side to side for about a minute. "that was my version of Tristan and . . .and...."
"Isolde?" Keller tried to be helpful.
"Aha, you've got it , me boy. You will do well on this submersible."

To be continued

Lt. Keller writes:

Om 17 February our new conning tower was ready and we received orders to patrol off the coast of new Jersey. The captain ordered us all on deck. After five minutes he appeared on what he called his balcony and addressed us.

"Menner! do you have your passports ready and American visas?"

We all looked at each other and shuffled our feet in what Balz calls the submarine shuffle.
"American destroyers depth charges boats without visas."
"Bernaaard! Didn´t I tell you to go to the Anerican consulate and get visas?"

"It was closed, Herr Kaleun."
"What to do, what to do." Balz scratched his chin.
"I can go when the war is over," Bernard said.
Balz banged his fist on the conning tower. In a decisive tone, he said, "We must practice because that is really the only way to get into Carnegie Hall."

Balz is back, hurra!

Will he have his gig live at Carnegie Hall? Maybe as a duet with Harry Bellafonte? :D

I'll stay tuned - as evah...

The next day we loaded torpedoes. I went to see the Kommandant and report the job finished.
Balz looked at his watch. "Very good," he said. You still have time to practice silent tap dancing."
I tried to imagine Fred Astaire tap dancing silently. That image was a failure. Trying not to sound stupid, I asked, "How do you tap dance silently?."
"I Don't tap dance."
"What I mean is how does one tap dances silently?"
Balz frowned as in deep thought. "Good question, I would say the same as two or three."
before I could as how two or three tap danced. The shore phone rang.
Balz picked up the receiver. "Hi Hitler."
Balz jumped up and stood at attention. "Ach, Herr Admiral, I thought it was Hitler calling to congratulate me on my heroic exploits."
I could hear the Admiral was yelling. I could not understand what he was yelling about, he sounded like he was foaming at the mouth. Balz had this quality of driving his superiors out of their reefer jackets. After many jawhols, Balz replaced the receiver. "Instead of tap dancing grt a working party together and load groceries, we are leaving tonight." Then as in afterthought, he said, "And make sure no farthing bananas get on board."

Stay tuned for another exiting Balz episode soon.

Yay!

I just noticed the plug on your sig. Many thanks :DL

Yup good read! Comes on kindle too!

But dammit brag, I wanna see subsim, Balz, and Bernard in the acknowledgements next time!!! :O:

Balz was watering his plants on the conning toer. When I reported all supplies were on board.
"Very well. Now go and find Bernard and send him to bring a case of beer from Chez Marlene."
"We have plenty of beer, Herr Kaleun," I said.
"He he," Balz said with a devilish grin on his face. "When he returns with the beers, we will be steaming for North America, in search of glory in the New World. Life will be perfect. You will be able to see how me, the great Balz performs the torpedo jitterbug in the warm waters of the Gulf Stream--without Bernard. I will enjoy Bernard's absence. I can hardly wait for the monumental mystial moment when Bernard steps ashore and I can wave my little finger at him in final fond farewell."


Stay tuned, another exciting episode coming to your screen.

No sooner Bernard disappeared behind electric workshop, balz commanded, "Line handlers on deck!" He then turned to Keller. "Are we ready for sea?"
"Jawhol, Herr Kaleun."
"Schwooggissimo, let go stern lines, starboard engine ahead slow, rudder full starboard." The stern began to swing
"Are we getting underway?" Keller asked.
"Yes, to fame and glory."
"But we have no band, no nurses to bid us farewell."
"And no Bernard. Ha, ha, ha. both engines aft, together, let go of forward spring and brow lines. Rudder midships. Bwa ha ha, no Bernard."
As the boat slowly gained way, Balz leaned over thrail." Get a couple of shotguns on deck and shoot any fast swimmers. Bwa ha ha. This is hoochie woochie."
Keller scanned for traffic as Balz doubled up laughing. "are you feeling alright, Herr Kaleun?"
"Ja, I am feeling very hoochie woochie."
"What is hoochie woochie?"
"Both engines stop, new course two one zero."
"Both engines stop, new course two one zero? Is that hoochie woochie?"
"No, you idiot. That was a nautical command."
Balz pointed at the dock receding in the distance. "Ha, ha, ha. We are here and he is there. To answer your question hoochie is writen first, but when you write woochie it becomes second but it is before woochie. So the hoochie woochie is a bynominal contrapositioned phenomena. When something is very hoochie woochie it is the hoochie and woochie together with very. Alles klaar?"
"Jawhol, Herr Kaleun." Keller said trying to fathom the deep significance of what his great commander had said.
http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/905...hpiratevi9.gifhttp://img87.imageshack.us/img87/905...hpiratevi9.gif




Next installment Kurs Nach Westen

But Bernard is so stupid, he might accidentally find Hitler's teleporter and find some way back on the sub...