since you're not married (no kids), I'd give her the pink slip and leave her stuff at the door.

Sorry to hear that, though.

I might as well add my worthless advice too.

Don't do anything for a few days. You need to process these emotions, get your mind straight before you can make any decisions.

After everything has cooled off, ask yourself: Could you ever trust this woman again in a relationship. You know her better than any of us.

You were not very clear on what your girlfriend actually did. Was she drunk/tipsy and kissed a guy passionately? Is that enough to break off your relationship? Only you can answer that.

One thing you can do, once everything calms down, is ask your girlfriend to explain what happened. You are not so much interested in the details but in how open your girlfriend is.

If you get the impression she is being open and honest about a stupid mistake, then you can factor that into your decision

If, however, you get the impression that your girlfriend can't/won't be open and honest about this, that is another red flag in the relationship.

You have an important decision to make, and you owe it to yourself to make it with a clear calm mind.

Relationships have survived this sort of stuff
Relationships have been torn apart by this sort of stuff

Only you can find the right answer. Just make it the answer that is right for you.

Good luck with this.

(insert suitable male heterosexual bonding activity here) :)

Well we are kind of in a holding pattern at this point. She acts one way and says another. I am strong enough to let her go that is definitely not the issue.
She is very open about what happened to lead up to that event. He pursued her aggressively all the while playing the caring nice guy role. Not to say that she is not without fault cause in my book I am dating her not him so she bears 100% of my blame. The trust issue is the hardest part of this because before that night she had more trust than any woman ever and she worked hard to earn that trust. She was never deceitful or sneaky and in fact that what got her caught was her poor deception skills. She should have known that I would have figured it out and quick.

I asked her what if I told you to come home during our text conversation. She said that she would have. I do believe her. She was not intoxicated and had 3 beers over the space of 10:20 P.M. and 12:40 A.M. which he so kindly bought her.

She is very open about the events and didn't even try to deny that Sex was what they were leading into before I came crashing into their party.

But like I said the trust is destroyed. Now I am wondering if she's Really at work tonight? Are they texting each other all night?

I talked to her last night while she was at work and she did admit that she had talked to him. She said he wanted to know what happened after I showed up and he left.

She says that she's unhappy with our economic situation (I am currently unemployed) while she is working. But that's not to say that I do not bring in money and at times I bring in more than her working on cars or doing odd jobs on Craigslist. But I can understand her worry about a steady paycheck vs Lots of money followed by no money.

Anyways I digress. The point is that I do love her but I don't trust her.
I am willing to work things out but it takes two to tango. The balls in her court.

The last issue I have and this could be the ball buster is this guy. I have zero idea what his intent is. Is he done or is the challenge making him want to chase after her harder. I don't know where she is at on him either.
But I will get it resolved quickly because if I feel that she is still being deceitful he can have her.

I feel for you OP, i really do. I've been emotionally gutted by women TWICE. Never quite got over the first one, but it made the second one alot easier to let go.

The second one, was a 7 year relationship. Never married her because she had credit (and later drug) issues. (nevermind she also lied, stole, and cheated on me) I walked away knowing full well that i was the better person. Several dates and 8 months later i met someone else, who thinks alot like myself, believes in many things that i do, and at times can practically finish my thought's before i can even put them into words. Pretty sure i'll marry this one. Shes intelligent, good common sense, very practical , with a very loving heart.

You'll find someone else, don't waste your time trying to "make it work". Long term relationships are founded on trust. Once that trust is broken, your living in a house without a foundation that will come tumbling down at the first sign of foul weather.

Like a lot of other responders, I've been through a situation like this.

That loss of trust can be hard. It can take a long time to get back anywhere near what it was, if you do decide to work things out. If you do decide to try to make it work, it will be a long, hard road.

Good luck. Take a couple of days and think about what you want and what you need. Don't do anything irreversible yet. There's always time for that after you settle down and think.

If there is a lack of trust now and you continue the relationship that lack of trust will only get worse not better. Whenever she is out of your sight for any extended period you will be wondering if she is out messing about behind your back.

My 2c is dump her and move on. There are others out there who won't do that to you, you just need to find one.

Well it will probably turn around and bite me and sooner than later I think but I am going to try and work through this with her. She's too much to me just to let go. (The exception is if she chooses to go). We have a great history and it just seems tragic to end things so abruptly. Yes the trust issue is enormous but I think we can work past that if she is willing.

I wish you all the luck in the world and a happy future :sunny:

If she would favour her interest in her relation with you over her interest in that other guy, she would have understood the need to break contact with him immediately, if for no other reason than just to send you a strong signal that she cares for you more than for him. But you said she called him after you ruined their party at least one more time. Her excuse means not much, imo. when she called him, again she tried to dance on two parties at the same time.

I admit that small signal raises reason for pessimism in the long perspective. I'm sorry to say, but with that second report of yours I think you two are already split. Possible you just need some more time to find the courage to frankly admit it.

In the spirit of this, confront her, then draw your conclusions and act accordingly.

Skybird, I am not that kind of guy to say who she can and cannot speak with.
Ive always been of the mindset that you can talk to whom ever you like but always have the proper courtesy to let me know if your interest lies elsewhere and I will let you go. I agree that if she broke contact it wouldn't hurt her case but in the end the truth always gets reveled. If they still have constant contact she will tell me just as she has admitted their last contact. If she is interested in what he has to offer she will move out and all my questions are answered. I will know for sure if its worth saving real soon.

if she still talking to him that don't sound good and if she was willing to have sex with him,what will happen if another man ask for her to take a ride on a harley or buy her beer but honest and thrust is the two most important part of a relationship and i hope for the best for you.

Keeping on talking to friends, colleagues, buddies, is one thing. Keeping on talking to a guy who tried to make her cheating on you - that is something different.

Anyhow - this is your match, not mine.

Can't say as I envy you any, Freiwillige. Do whatcha gotta do to survive and move on from there. :)

Only thing i'm going to add, is that letting go can be very, very hard to do. It's very easy to fall into the trap of sticking with what you know, rather then face being alone and the unknown of finding someone else or not.

But sometimes letting go , albiet hard, is the right thing to do. Whatever you do, don't fall into the trap of continually saying to yourself, "Just one more chance". I did that for a number of years, it's nothing but a downward spiral, and it never improves.

^^ Yep, been there.