Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to give
away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign "FREE KITTENS"
next to them. Suddenly a long line of big black cars came up with a
policeman on a motorcycle in front. The cars all stopped and a tall man
stepped out from the biggest car. "Hi, little girl, what do you have
there in the box?" he asked.

"Kittens" Little Suzy says. "They're so small, their eyes are not even
open yet."

"What kind of kittens are they?" he asked.

"Democrats" says Little Suzy. The tall man smiled, returned to his car
and they drove away.

Sensing a good photo opportunity, Sen. Obama called his campaign manager
and told him about the little girl with the kittens. It was planned that
they would return the next day, have all the media there and tell
everyone about these "democrat" kitt ens.

The next day, Little Suzy is standing out on the corner with her box of
kittens with the "FREE KITTENS" sign and the big motorcade of black cars
pulled up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.
Everyone had their cameras ready and then Sen. Obama got out of his limo
and walked up to Little Suzy. "Now don't be frightened," he said, I just
want you to tell all these nice news people just what kind of kittens
you're giving away today."

"Yes sir," Suzy said, "they are all REPUBLICAN kittens."

Taken by surprise, Sen. Obama said, "But yesterday you told me they were
DEMOCRATS."

Little Suzy says, "Yes, I know. But, today they have their eyes open."

Olympic Funnies
Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far
during the SummerOlympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weight-lifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I
saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak
from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my
mother
and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some
deaths
in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we
can expect
the same thing again."In fact you can see it all over their
faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of
the
IOC president is hugging the cox of the Bri tish crew.."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've
got
eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is
that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and
kisses them...
Oh, my God, what have I just said?"

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."

The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry.'

"Grosser than Gross" ?

1728?

/you say tomato


*edit* this post is far too obscure, isn't it?

Not too obscure but I don't follow the math :up:

1728 is the next up from a gross. It's a great gross. (one dozen gross)

I wonder why the American meaning of "Gross" never took off in the UK. What are the logins for the American meaning?

Medical exam
 

Good one... I did something rather similar when we were asked to submit stool and urine samples at work. I took a bit of pre-chewed Snicker bar and a small bottle of apple juice and put them in the requisite containers so when the office secretary was asking for the samples I took them out but as I was about to hand them to her, I downed them both. They pretty much never forgave me for it but man their expressions afterwards were utterly priceless.

Ah I was thinking 156 :)

'Grosse' is of course German for 'big', or 'large'. 'Kaiser Friedrich der Grosse' = 'King Frederick the Great', which of course doesn't mean wonderful, but powerful, or a man of major accomplishment. Here in the US it came to be used as big, so when a man was said to be 'gross', they were saying he was fat. Since severe obesity is considered by many to be disgusting, 'gross' over the years came to mean anything disgusting. Funny how words evolve.

The opposite is also true. The English for 'gross' was 'great', which also meant large or powerful, and since 'the bigger the better', 'great' eventually came to mean 'wonderful'. So the same word is now used for opposite meanings. Ain't life gross...I mean, great?

You know what is grosser than a pile of dead babies.

A live baby at the bottom chewing its way to the top.

Unfortunately the better "what is grosser than gross" jokes can't be posted here due to language restrictions. :nope:

Probably not a bad thing. :yep:

Gross in the UK means:

1: Great in value. i.e. Gross indecency
2: The number 144 (12x12)
3: The total. i.e. The gross weight of something

Then edit them :lol:

What's grosser than gross?

Finding a pubic hair in your Bloody Mary.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of bowling balls?

It's hard to move one of the piles with a pitchfork.